Day 954. Ive done enough, tried, experimented, flirted, lusted after, jumped into bed with, high fived, tried on for size, ran screaming from, dallied, diddled, fumbled, fondled, tried my hand at, dabbled, mastered, half-assed and owned so many parts of this whole fitness dealio that I think I have finally got enough under my belt to allow myself to do something that I’ve never done.
Become Wholly Obsessed.
for 30 days.
30 days is nothing to me in this. Its a short spurt of insanity and I want it. Im going to do everything for 30 days.
I get to get obsessed!!!! I say often that my mind when it hooks on to something is like the sun through a magnifying glass. It burns a hole in front of me. Im not exaggerating.
But I feel like Im finally at a place and time where I could handle thirty days of beast mode.
I know balance and rest. I know super intense and I know self-discipline but this will challenge all of these things, because this is going to be ‘my good bye weight-loss program out with a glorious bang’.
I have never done a challenge where I didnt have certain things I was focusing on.
I have never said to myself, let me see what I can accomplish in thirty days when my brain, heart and body are all onboard and foaming at the mouth.
I have never tried my absolute hardest just to see how much I can do. Just to see.
TIme to effing fix that. CANNONBALL!
Cardio has been on the backburner for me for several months now, really only running for fun or for a warm-up.
But now Im going to do regular cardio again, 3 days each week including a long run on the weekends. Im also going to improve both my mile time AND my 5 mile time.
On top of my schedule below, there will be approximately 10 days of swimming around in the ocean mermaid style, but i’d be doing that anyway - so Im not counting as regularly scheduled cardio
Week 1 - June 1-7 Friday to Thursday
6/2 Saturday - Downtown Brooklyn to Grand Central Station via Brooklyn Bridge Run (round trip) - 10 mi
6/4 Tuesday - Morning Run - Park Slope 5 miles
6/6 at home body weight circuit training from NerdFitness - at the Lake
Week 2 - June 8 - 14
6/8 Friday - Morning Run - Coney Island 5 miles
6/10 Sunday - Mid-Day Run Verrazano Bridge and Shoreline - 13 miles
6/12 Tuesday - at home body weight circuit training from NerdFitness - on my roof
6/14 Thursday - Morning Run - Park Slope 5 miles
Week 3 - June 15 - 21
6/16 Saturday - 6.2 Miles Leisure run on circuit of Central Park
6/18 Monday - at home body weight circuit training from NerdFitness - on the Luna Park dock
6/20 Wednesday - Planet Fitness Express Circuit Training Floor - 4 rounds - 90 minutes
Week 4 June 22 - 28
6/22 Friday - Coney Island 5 miles
6/24 Sunday - Mid-Day Run Shore Line to Coney Island - 15 miles
6/26 Tuesday - Boxing / Calisthenics 60 minutes
6/28 Thursday - at home body weight circuit training from NerdFitness - on the 9/11 pier
Finale Wrap-Up June 29/30
6/30 Saturday - Long distance victory Run - new route of choice
Strength Training, Heavy Lifting and Deadlifting - my newest addition to my fitness world and one Im having a very strong love affair with.
I want to up my weights and maintain my reps. I want to do it 2-3 times per week to make sure Im getting maximum results.
Week 1 - June 1 -7
6/1 Friday - 45 minute deadlifting session
6/5 Wednesday - 45 minute heavy lifting session - concentrating mostly on back/arms/shoulders
Week 2 - June 8 - 14
6/9 Saturday - 45 minutes of deadlifts / squats / lunges
6/13 Wednesday - 60 minutes at-home body weight workout - pushups & calisthenics to check max reps - in the middle of Prospect Park
Week 3 - June 15 - 21
6/15 Friday - 45 minutes heavy lifting session
6/17 Sunday - 90 minutes body weight challenge on the beach
6/19 Tuesday - 60 minutes weight circuit
6/21 Thursday - 45 minutes deadlifting session
Week 4 June 22 - 28
6/23 Saturday - Light gym free for all - not too much - 15 mile run the next day.
6/27 Wednesday - 60 minutes weights free for all in the gym
Finale Wrap-Up June 29/30
6/29 Friday Pick 5 moves and find your new max weight
Flexibility and Rest. I have a few 90 minute hot yoga classes that I will be working in where life allows and will be taking those things I learn home with me. Instead of scheduling my yoga stretchy times, I am instead going to schedule happy quiet playful times.
Week 1 - June 1-7
6/2 Saturday - on Brooklyn Bridge Run - stop to stretch at the mid-point of the bridge and any other beautiful places along the way. End the run with a cool down, stretchy bit on the top of the Sunset Park Hill and grab strawberries and kiwis and walk the last half mile home.
Week 2 - June 8-15
6/8 Friday - morning stretchy bit before and after Coney Island 5 miles on the end of the pier at sunrise, practice handstand
6/10 Sunday - end half marathon - shower - meet Jen in Owls Head Park for upside down tanning on the harbor banks with wine, stretch out and bring foam roller
Week 3 - June 15-21
6/16 Saturday - after leisure run around Central Park - practice yoga positions, practice handstand, stretch out, quiet time on the lake by Belvedere Castle or in the Ramble or by the Jackie O reservoir
6/19 Highline Ballroom Concert - cut loose, get drunk in my teeny LBD and love life.
Week 4 - June 22-28
6/22 Friday - Practice handstands at Coney Island in the sand before morning run
6/24 Sunday - After 15 miler - meet Jen at the pool in Sunset Park - float on back for like 3 hours, then get tacos
6/28 Thursday - the world’s greatest bubble bath after practicing yoga and strethy bits on the roof
Finale Wrap-Up - June 29/30
6/30 - whatever floats my boat after my victory run
My Nutrition is one part that I feel is going to be the biggest part of all of this. I dont have problems with overeating or bad food choices- but I am dying to know what I an adopt as part of my diet that will greatly effect my bf%- which is what this is all about for me.
^ my official bodyfat% formula I will be using to track myself, which lists me at 25.74 as of 5/17
STARTING MEASUREMENTS NEEDED ON 5/31
I also used the kindle app on my phone to download a ton of fun vegetarian cookbooks and Ive gotten tons of healthy meal ideas from peeps @ MFP
In case you cant tell, Im going vegetarian as best I can for June.
Goddamn Im going to miss being a raging carnivwhore.
So let’s see what happens.
Day 954. Ive done enough, tried, experimented, flirted, lusted after, jumped into bed with, high fived, tried on for size, ran screaming from, dallied, diddled, fumbled, fondled, tried my hand at, dabbled, mastered, half-assed and owned so many parts of this whole fitness dealio that I think I have finally got enough under my belt to allow myself to do something that I’ve never done.
Monday, January 30, 2012
Today is my mom’s 53rd birthday. WHerever you are mom, I hope youre rockin it.
January has been so insane for me that Im going to make a list here and now to see how I spent the month. I keep getting dates and weeks and weekends blurred together.
30 - Hoboken No Jokin - Maxwell’s Concert
31 - TAI’s House, Ball Drop, Haven New Years Party
1 - shopping with Sophian, New Year’s Day Dinner with Kate and Jen
2 - broke up with Sophian, spent the day with the band
3 - Kate and Jen came over for dinner
4 - date at the Haven
5 - Matterhorn came to visit!
7 - Anthony came to visit! Tali’s Bday Party @ Shoolbred!!
9 - BCS Championship Game with Chris, Jen, Joshua, Sarah and Allie Icicle Lights
10 - date @ Three Jolly Pigeons
11 - date @ Sunset Park
14 - Santino’s Birthday @ Rock n Rose
15 - Applejack Diner, Giant’s Game @ TAI, shepherding Santino around NYC
16 - Jen’s House dinner with roommates
18 - Hanging out @ Vinny’s
20 - party @ Jens
21 - Canal Room & Rubix Cube for Anns bday
23 - Jersey with Danny
24 - pregaming at Rock n Rose
25 - Scarlet Carson Headline debut @ Tammany, after show- hot tub party @ TAI
26 - Girls night at my place/marikart64tournament
27 - Slumber Party with Jen
28 - Hot Tub Party
3 - Scarlet Carson/TAI at the Stone Pony on the Jersey Shore
4 - Jersey Shore
5 - Super Bowl Party in Astoria
So THIS is why I have to spend the next 5 days (including today) doing an hour of exercise each day. I want to look GREAT on Friday at the pony.
Motivations for the week include (but are not limited to):
the black corset Im wearing Friday
suddenly finding myself often in my panties without warning due to the new hot tub at TAI-HQ
close encounters of the oops kind
about to make my second venture into the Jersey shore area scene, want to feel my best
(sunshiny secret in 2 weeks)
this year, we dance.
3 months til the beach… groan - not that it really matters since im having to rock bikini in my pale pasty lumpy body right NOW
someone there has seen me naked.
an hour minimum each day this week- I dont care what I do (as long as its more than stretching) I dont care if its:
sexy hot naked pilates
unsexy awkward ridiculous jumping jacks
planks and body weight exercises
get sweaty, get stupid, for an hour every day this week.
This week’s Meal Plan
Monday - whole wheat pasta with homemade fresh sauce from farmer’s market tomatoes, onions, peppers and olives
Tuesday - chicken and cashew nuts with brown rice and veggies
Wednesday - asparagus and baby corn stirfry and lamb
Thursday - Tuna filet and brussels sprouts
Friday - redbull and vodka (but for my mid-day meal Im having salmon)
Saturday- good lord- whatever I can find on the boardwalk
Sunday- probably bad- super bowl food
Here’s some pics of what I’ve been up to!
serious birthday karaoke business at Rock & Rose
(before the real show- see below)
my two favorite bands taking over the stage at Tammany Hall
Also - Im updating my online photography profile, it can now be found at:
So this week, I gotta pamper my ego a bit, cause Im about to be in front of tons of people and I dont want inner Bri to freak the frak out at the last minute. I need yoovie/bri to be one person, bright shiny engaging happy dancing free spirited and NOT SCARED.
Best way to do that is to go no prisoners all week.
YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!
Thank you tumblr world - ilu! ♥
Alter-Ego Saviors and the BIGGEST BANG Theory
Friday, December 30, 2011
NYE is my fave holiday :) Didja know that? Probably- i mean it makes sense, what’s shinier than New Year’s Eve?
I can think f one thing.
Times Square on NYE. Much shinier.
First though, I would like to say something.
Everytime I say Im overwhelmed, or sad, or wanting to hide- dozens and dozens of you come out of the woodwork to hater bash. Please see that I stopped complaining about haters a long time ago. When I say, ‘my role on SP’ -which is the role of a popular blog award winning motivator- this has nothing to do with haters. When I say, I wish I could hide or hibernate- this is not about haters bothering me- this is my real life shyness injecting itself into my online persona- because BRI is who I am. Yoovie is just who I sign in with the face that I use to interact with the world out there.
Yoovie comes up with amazing ideas and goes balls to the wall all the time and is just a giant gas giant of illegal fireworks going off. I need her to keep Bri from slipping into nothingness.
Bri stands against the sidelines at concerts and parties. She smiles and nods and clinks glasses. She stands in the front row when the bands go on stage and sings her heart out because she knows every word and the guys on stage are her little bothers. Because the crowd behind her filled with people that dont know her, scares the confetti out of her.
Yoovie is the part of my brain that makes Bri live.
Yoovie gets me to walk into the bedroom wearing nothing but a smile and a Viking Hat on the 2nd date.
Yoovie gets me to wear skimpy swatches of sequins and 4 inch heels.
Yoovie gets me to the best spot in the photographer’s pit.
Yoovie gets me to the Verrazano Bridge when Bri is convinced she’s ok with achieving nothing that day.
If it were up to Bri, I’d wear flannel pjs and have missionary gardening sans orgasms for the rest of my life. I’d wear sweatshirts and mom jeans to concerts and I’d slink along the back side of the photo pit and try not to bother anyone. I would never have started running.
Bri is shy as sht. She is socially awkward and most people dont get her sense of humor and that causes serious problems when the translation and tone dont carry through text. She’s always worried about stepping on toes and making sure everyone likes her. She is quick to give in and give up when people criticise her goals. Bri NEEDS yoovie.
So when you tell me that I know Im awesome, that I need to be slapped, that I would suffer without the attention I have probably gotten used to… you are assuming that the girl that walks around her house at 1 am, overthinking every aspect of her life and fighting against disappearing yet again and starting over elsewhere… is someone that you are such close friends with.. for so many years… that you can shout these things at her from the internet and she will take them as you mean for her to take them… since she also knows YOU so well.
Can you see my personal dilemma here, when Im writing myself into a frenzy all the time and people assume they know me because I write from the heart… but the catch is… Its not equal. You do not show me the same things I show you- I barely leave my page, I dont talk more than a few people, on occasion, on this entire website. Im terrified of most of you.
So slap me for compliment fishing, refusing to accept my popularity, complaining about my diamond shoes, pretending to dislike the attention or not being able to shrug off the invisible haters… and when you call me out on these things.. remember you are offering me this advise (in my head) as a stranger on the street that overheard a phone call I was on and shoved their two cents in.
Now sometimes I need 2 or 10 cents.
Sometimes your advice changes my life.
Sometimes it makes me cry.
Sometimes it makes me mad.
Sometimes it makes me ashamed.
But when you don’t read what I have actually written, and you assume its me ‘bitchin about haters again’ and throw the standard THEY JUS’ JEALOUS at me.. you can understand my O_o?? Assuming im ALWAYS talking about haters is crazy. I was told months ago to shut up and I DID. Its not ME that bitches about haters anymore. I put a sign on my page and shut up.
I changed my entire LEAVE ME ALONE about me section to something more informative and less isolationist.
I have somewhere to blog when I need to say more than I do in my blog here, but I dont like to because it feels like Im hiding those truths from myself.
I also stopped complaining about getting popular blog awards on my private embarassing humiliating tear filled blogs and instead just put a disclaimer on the ones I dont want to be voted for, made a cartoon and slapped it on my page.
So slap me. And then slap yourself. Cause pushing your views and needs on my alter-ego means only the real me can feel them. Not yoovie. Bri.
Im about to undertake one of the greatest challenges Ive ever attempted in NYC.
Getting into Times Square for the ball drop.
I promised my little kid self when I was 16 that I would find a way to do it for her. Now Im going to be 4 miles from there and I see no reason why I should not take advantage of a dry as a bone, high 40s evening with no precipitation and a blueprinted plan and some Adderal and my BFF right there.
This will be EPIC. If I can go out with the biggest bang ever, what a confidence boost to take my wallflower self into the next year from the mouth of the madness uner a METRIC TON of confetti listening to Pitbull, Gaga and Beiber.. I can do this.
Everyone says I cant handle it.
BUT I CAN.
And I will then be rewarded with a brand new deck of 365 and a kiss.
What will yo do with your brand new deck?
Happy New Year! Let’s evolve in 12!!!!!!!!
Single Vision Continues (State of the YOO)
I get opinions and advice on everything that comes out of my mouth here. Thanks to sparkpeople, my life is no longer my own, but is a weekly/daily comic strip for people to criticize, laugh at, print out to keep, to write editorials on, to talk about at the water cooler, my life is all neatly summed up in a wee blog, literature in a hurry.
Its never the whole story, its always little bits and pieces that I feel comfortable sharing with the public. Tiny edited portions that can share how I’m feeling, reveal my reservations and neurosis, without hurting the feelings of people who don’t agree with my lifestyle, or offending the powers that be, or exposing my friends and their lives too much on the internet where they cannot defend their actions.
In other words, I have to keep this as positive and upbeat as possible to keep from getting in trouble with anyone. Which is why I can reveal my darker side and my fears and my phobias and temper tantrums, cause I cant get in trouble for being relateable on the ugly embarrassing side.
It does however, open me up to ALL KINDS of advice. All of it conflicting. Yes, all of it.
Just Be Yourself
don’t change yourself
don’t look for a man
Put yourself out there
Its easy if its “THE ONE”
Its not supposed to be easy, its supposed to be worth it
If you’re scared, he’s not “THE ONE”
Get over yourself
Get over your parents
Just do you
Just do me
Suck it up
See a therapist
Close your account
Ignore the haters
Ignore the ass kissers
They’re just jealous
They’ve got a point
Set little tiny goals
You need something GIANT to work toward
DGAF about the scale
What’s your goal weight?
Only pay attention to non-scale victories
You cant weigh 14o-something, that’s too low of a number on the machine you aren’t supposed to care about.
Stop having issues with God
Stop giving into your demons
Stop trying to people please
You gotta understand you’re in the public eye and you have to give the public what they want
don’t be so perky, no one likes perky people
Cheer up OMG
Try drinking more water
Have you tried tracking your food?
Once you lose the first 10 pounds you’ll build momentum
Do you eat vegetables?
Have you ever tried going vegetarian?
Whatever you do, don’t give up meat!
don’t run at night!
don’t run in the morning!
don’t run and do ST on the same day!
Workout whatever way makes you happy!
Do something besides run.
Find something you love and stick to it.
Give up soda!
Please don’t think I’m all pissy and mad as I’m writing this, believe me, I’m not, I’m giggling remembering a lot of it. I love when people ask me if I’ve given up soda and started drinking water yet.
You know how when you talk to dudes they try to take your conversation as a jumping off point for action? But you just wanna vent?
Sometimes I just wanna vent here. USUALLY i just wanna vent here. Sometimes I ask for feedback or advice, but usually I’m just organizing my thoughts and writing myself into being ready to handle, tackle or achieve something I’m finding hard to start. So if I get miffed at a piece of advice that you wrote on my wall, its just because I probably already heard it a million times today, or I feel as though my intelligence is insulted, or I can tell you didn’t read anything past the first line of my blog before you threw that gem in my face.
I vent here cause nobody in my life wants to hear all this sht that’s rolling around in my head 24/7. Or I’ve got them so bogged down with helping me not spontaneously combust whilst dealing with the trials, tribulations, humiliation and self-hatred that comes along with dating again for the first time in a decade.
Also- for everyone out there telling me not to look for a man… LMAO I’m NOT!
I found one, by accident, when I wasn’t looking, didn’t expect him and my life is totally interrupted (in a beutiful way). So I’m extra vulnerable and exposed right now, and therefore my skin is all raw and sensitive and not as (sortof) thick as I’ve been doing my best to build it up to be.
I’ve gotta keep my defenses down so he can get in. Unfortunately, other lil bastids are climbing over too and I’m spending a lot of time with a fly swatter.
So I need my own little world. Contrary to what I show everyone on here, I keep myself VERY locked up emotionally. I’m a lonely hiding girl. Have been for many many years.
NOT socially. Socially I have a core group that I move with and it has dozens of little off-shoot groups that I can roam among safely and with protection and love. Always padded and baby-proofed. LOL in more ways than one. But romantically, let’s just say that any time there’s a newish guy in the music network that comes over and says how he’d like to take me out sometime, there is always someone right behind him that lets out a belly laugh and says ‘Good Luck homeboy’. So I don’t even have to reject people anymore, I just smile and walk away. Yeah, that’s how I handle sht. I smile and walk away.
Here though, you poke me and I don’t walk away, I usually lose my sht. Shrug, no one is perfect.
So I need a tiny little isolated world of my own to get lost in.
Some of you know that I’ve been doing a little experiment in which I eat like crap and don’t work out so I can watch my mental well-being rapidly decline and I gotta say, its not very fun at all.
Without runs: (not diarrhea, just cardio routes)
I stress over every little thing
I can’t work out the sources of my bad feelings, only the symptoms
the stress and the confusion of my state of mind combine to create an emotional hurricane leading to night filled with tissues Jack Daniels and my chemical romance.
I have to start running again. MANANA.
If I can JUST get myself to go for the first time, the second time is easier, I know that, I preach that, I’ve lived that, I’ve stopped that. Have to go again. I may be ready right now but tomorrow morning?
If I wake up crying and miserable and scared, then I will not go- BUT THAT’S WHEN I REALLY SHOULD GO THE MOST!
Maybe I need an opposites day.
I’m getting fat again lol no I’m not kidding, i gained like 8 pounds but i dgaf because i have more pressing issues in my head, such as RUNNING BEING MY THERAPY AND I’m NOT GOING LATELY.
Motivations to run tomorrow.
I have new running capris and a new hoodie with thumbholes that I got for my bday and haven’t worn yet. WTF
The christmas lights have gone up on 5th avenue.
Pretty soon the sun wont be up this early anymore and I wont be able to do this in the morning.
This weekend, I may not be around to run, so I should get in at least one this week.
All I ask is one run this week. Just one. That’s all. Gimme a half hour. No big expectations. Just one wee trot.
I bet the Verrazano looks beautiful in this crisp clean air we’ve been having.
I swear on my life you will feel better afterward. Please please please please believe me.
Your jeans felt tight for the first time this morning.
The big burlesque show is coming up in 3 and a half weeks.
I gained a little, so I can lose a lot. I needed to see the scale move, so I gained some that would be easy to lose. Now go lose that PLUS 2 or 3 more. PLEASE.
for peace of mind for peace of mind for peace of mind
So I can get all my crazy out before the weekend
So I can face everything don’t want to thinking about by the end of mile 3 and have all the rest of that time to daydream about… well to be honest, I know exactly what I will dream about.
Being on top.
Walking around naked. You do this ALL THE TIME. You make yourself do it. Once your clothes are off, your fearless. Running tomorrow will keep it that way baby.
get your edge back
because you haven’t done something you love, other than sleep, for a long time
you have so much book stuff you’ve been pondering and running seems to be the only time you can go off into your imagination.
It would be good for my self-esteem to be out running while NYC is asleep
I am a happier person that is more fun and refreshing to be around when I deal with my own sht properly. I cant keep smiling and walking way, i have to run and cry it all out and just GET RAW with myself in order to feel better. Nothing fixes this lie running, not even ‘I missed you so much’ Hugs.
Because its time to admit to myself that I’ve hit all the walls. ALL OF THEM. And its unacceptable for me to sit here indian style, sketching pictures of the all the pretty walls closing in on me instead of grabbing my grappling hook and heading out into the brave new world on the other side.
I’m being a coward for too long of a span of time.
because I don’t have any faith in myself. I think running helps that too. I’m not sure how, but it seems to. Don’t look a gift solution in the mouth.
i want to be better than i am now.
RUNNING. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. LEAVES. ME. SMILING.
i WANT endorphins, not cortisol or whatever
you’re ACTUALLY dating an ACTUAL superhero. Yoov, gotta keep up.
don’t let the differences be what you dwell on, let them be what yoo keep trying to move past, close the gap don’t widen it.
Imagine the cool air tomorrow morning, filling your lungs, giving you goosebumps, imagine it now because it HAS to happen tomorrow.
not telling you to embrace all of your free time all at once beore you have none left, not telling you its now or never, just telling you to please go, please, for me.
I’m actually begging my inner athlete to take me for a run. What is the world coming to?
I know right
Monday, October 24, 2011
from scratch, mushroom, zuchini, red/green pepper & fat free whipped cream cheese egg crepe with an orange
approx 250 calories, 24 carbs
from scratch, chicken bacon cacciatore with fresh basil, mushrooms, plum tomatoes, garlic, white/yellow/purple onions, celery and fettuccini (before you go al BACON BAD on my ass, it was 1/4 of a strip that I chopped up into teeny tiny pieces for flavoring the tomato mixture ok?)
approx 375 calories, 58 carbs
granny smith apple, whole wheat waffles with fat free whippd cream cheese and 2 eggs, fried in a nonstick pan with no oil
approx 430 calories, 50 carbs
from scratch, chicken lo mein with mushrooms, asparagus, egg and cauliflower
approx 275 calories, 37 carbs
carrot, tomato, corn and cabbage israeli salad.
apple, tomato, grilled chicken, cucumber, onion salad with olive oil and pepper
my mid-day work snack
egg white, black forest ham, bell pepper, olive, onion wrap
avocado and tomato wraps
homemade bagels and strawberries
turkey sausage onion pepper egg wraps
sausage, basil, tomato tortellini
tomato, cilantro and cucumber israeli salad
chicken stir fry, made with everything fresh from the farmer’s market
my “fattening breakfast” Veggie cream cheese on an everything bagel with OJ
I could go on and on and on forever with these food pictures, cause I AM conscientous of how i EAT.
This is pretty much how I eat all the time. I cook it, I plate it, I think how beauiful it is, then I inhale it. If Im not cooking it myself, this IS the fast food we have around here. Halal food, Indonesian food, Vegan street vendors, lamb and rice, cold cut wraps, kosher meals… everything here that I want… is healthy.
Places like Taco Bell, Popeyes, Checkers, Wendy’s are all at least an hour away from me, so I have long forgotten them.
I exercise my ass off.
I dont even own a car.
I dont even buy monthly subway cards. I’m a 24/7 pedestrian.
I havent been able to run lately, between an effed up ankle from a tumble down the stairs right before vacation, to the fact that its still pitch black outside at 6:30 which is the latest I can leave for a run and still have time to take a ho-bath before dashing off for the carpool, and the Brooklyn Groper, who has been terrorizing women in my itty bitty neighborhood, 13 sexual assaults since March- everything fom boob grabbing to full on violent rape.
So I sat and I went on strike and kept my foot elevated and ate whatever I wanted, which just happened to be healthy, I walked a bit. Whatever. I was sure I gained 13 pounds over vacation. Especially since my boobs are giNORMOUS right now because my period should be here any second. I figured I gained about 6 pounds for period/boob weight and 13 pounds for eating and not moving.
Know how many pounds I gained? From doing ZERO exercise? From sitting on the couch all day, eating?
i LOST 3 pounds.
I bust my ass every week.
I eat clean as if my sexuality depended on it.
My body just isnt going to change.
so to that inner athlete inside of me, that skinny bitch that cant be satisfied… I have one little hand gesture to you and your refusal to budge the number on the scale.
My body wants to be this weight, I cant even gain the weight back if I try, Im cursed to be in the 170s for the rest of my fecking life.
I dont want to weigh 170.
I want to weigh like 145/150.
I dont want to be a size 9/10.
I want to be a size somewhere between 6 and 8.
I dont want to be able to cradl my boobs in my arms like a baby.
I don’t want a 28 inch waist.
I dont want a gut so huge that when I sit down, it pushes up on my boobs.
I dont want rolls of fat.
I dont want the muscles on my thighs to sway back anf forth on my bones when I walk.
I dont want to be a giant anymore.
I cant take it.
Its killing me. It hurts, Im tired.
I hate it.
I read the spark 4 times. I do EVERYTHING right.
I want to be SKINNY.
I want to be sooooooooooo skinny.
I want to be skinny enough to see my muscles underneath my skin.
I eat like a movie star.
Im as active as I can possibly be.
I eat like 10-15 freggies a DAY.
I drink at LEAST a gallon of water.
I stretch like Im gumby.
I challenge myself.
FOR A FULL YEAR NOTHING HAS CHANGED.
FFS WTF ELSE DO YOU WANT FROM ME.
Thursday, October 06, 2011Last night for dinner I made homemade eggdrop soup. It was warm, it was yumy and it had 4 eggs worth of protein. Not the healthiest or most colorful, but that was mah deener.
This morning I woke up later than I wanted, so I ran the same 2.4 miles that I did yesterday, but finished a minute earlier and rewarded myself with a yumm breakfast.
On the way to work, I curled up in the carpool with the new issue of SELF and found a fun new butt workout! I also found out that having a 4 tiny low calorie dessert days each week helps you stay on track, as opposed to having one weekly splurge.
I found a new CrossFit routine that I really want to try in my bedroom, as dirty as that sounds… although… *turns head looking at positions required* …maybe heheheh
Speaking of heheheh, I have been thinking a lot about taking another retreat to get out of the city and run around in nature. I’ve gotten pretty good at finding beautiful, natural, green places to play in Manhattan and Brooklyn, but no ‘free’ feelings like I can get outside of the walls of Metropolis. I really enjoyed seeing wildlife and breathing in mountain air and jumping around on trails and getting my toes wet in an actual rushing river.
So Im looking around areas in the mainland states nearby my lil island, to see if I can make my way out there.
Of course, if I could go anywhere, ANYWHERE, to spend a healthy weekend in solitude and peace and serenity, it would be Montauk. Maybe I could make that a reward for reaching some goal of mine.
In the meantime, I love how stuff like this is totally acceptable on sparkpeople. It really warms my heart.
Some people develop a wishbone where their backbone should be
Wednesday, September 28, 2011“Catch on fire with enthusiasm and people will come for miles to watch you burn.” - JOhn Wesley
I remember when I first started running in my neighborhood. I ran down a hill through the block between 4th and 5th Avenues. Then I walked back up that hill and ran down the next block. People were sitting on their stoops cheering for me. I was cheering for me.
I have a lot of time off work for Yall Computer and other holidays coming up. I want to take this time to put a lot of time, energy and effort into myself and my place on earth.
I remember the first time I went for a fall run and was worried that I wasnt going to sweat enough for it to count, and then I felt my lungs fill with brisk clean cold air and the dark morning streets were lined with fairy lights and my heart exploded with love.
I would like to be able to say that I exercised every day (even if its a very light long walk) over the fall break. I would like to accomplish this medium term goal to reinforce that my long term goals are achievable because its ME.
I remember the first time I surprised myself and ran all the way to the Verrazano Bridge, its beautiful pale blue and silver expanse stretching out before me like the Golden Gate’s platinum twin, and my legs were like, LOOK UV! NO LIMITS!
I would like to be able to say that I invested in my surroundings, my bedroom and my home, because I am worth having a place to call my haven in the cold winter months, which torture my southern blood like only a Texan in Chicago in February could understand. I deserve a warm, loving, quiet nest. TO warm my bones and to come home to.
I remember the first time I threw caution to the wind and decide to just keep running until I couldnt anymore, and just see where I end up. As I crossed the Brooklyn Bridge, I stretched my arms out to the side, threw my head back and let the smile cover my whole face, feeling the sun and the wind on my sweaty skin and know that I was actually flying through the air from Brooklyn to Manhattan.
I want to love my quiet moments in the morning, when Im no longer flipping opff the girls in my motivation collage because they are so pink and happy and covered in sand and IM staring down the barrell of 50 inches of snow. Because… if im honest with myself, Im closer to being one of those girls than I am to being who I was in past winters. I want to slide out of bed and workout in the warm yellow light of my bedroom, laying on the floor doing situps and planks and pushups. Tying my shoes and peeking through the pale gold curtains at the dark world waiting.
I remember evening runs… pretending to be a jewel thief in Chinatown, with the James Bond theme on my iPod, running for my life, crossing my fingers to find Daniel Craig, or maybe Jonathan Taylor Thomas, he lives in this neughborhood, and he’s missing, I should rescue him. He’s probably legal now.
I want to get a routine going, in the dark mornings, strapping up my sneakers and breathing out, in heavy puffs, the ugly, the painful and the sickening and breathing in the clean, the pure and the fresh free newness of a day. I want to start my days like that again, not trudging along because I made a promise to myself, but floating along because I remember how much I love it.
“Celebrate what you want to see more of.” Thomas J Peters
“Everything is created from moment to moment, always new. Like fireworks, this universe is a celebration and you are the spectator contemplating the eternal Fourth of July of your absolute splendor.”-Francis Lucille
“Never again clutter your days or nights with so many menial and unimportant things that you have no time to accept a real challenge when it comes along. This applies to play as well as work. A day merely survived is no cause for celebration. You are not here to fritter away your precious hours when you have the ability to accomplish so much by making a slight change in your routine. No more busy work. No more hiding from success. Leave time, leave space, to grow. Now. Now! Not tomorrow!” - Og Mandino
“To dare is to lose one’s footing momentarily. Not to dare is to lose oneself.” Soren Kierkegaard
“Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try.” Mary Kay Ash
“It may be those who do most, dream most.” Stephen Leacock
“Dreams can often become challenging, but challenges are what we live for.” Travis White
“Life only demands from you the strength that you possess. Only one feat is possible; not to run away.” Dag Hammarskjold
“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.” Richard Bach
I remember Fall.
I want Fall.
pimp is a dirty word! you are so out of line! diaf!
Wednesday, September 07, 2011In response to a comment aimed at me that I found whilst googling my own challenge this morning:
This person says that words are not “just words”. That, creating and participating in a challenge called “Pimp My Pride” shows little regard for the well-being of others and little awareness of the truly horrific conditions that trafficked sex workers experience around the world.
She said my challenge contributes to the normalization and acceptance of forced sexual labour. She compared it to encouraging people to bring back slavery. She said my challenge is equally inappropriate and disrespectful.That I glorify “pimping”, but refuse to educate myself about human trafficking and make a donation to the UN’s Global Initiativeto fight it.
The point! yes, missed it you have! Conclusions, yes, you have jumped to them. Yes, I found it on google, not spark, so I am not addressing a spark member, I am just responding to one of the many concerns elsewhere on the internet concerning my challenge
PIMP - originally an acronym for Put In My Pocket, or in other words, ‘I’ve decided to own this’
-Later used to define a person who sells women for sexual favors (cue uproar from the uneducated, the blinded conservative, everyone that really wants to be angry, and everyone who loves to be offended).
-***Most recently used to commend objects or people.***
Ex: Popular Television Show, “PIMP MY RIDE”, in which deserving members of the community, who regularly contribute to its betterment, that have fallen on hard times are rewarded by having their vehicle given a makeover, specifically one that is tailored to their efforts in their neighborhoods, ie teachers are given mobile offices to take their students outside for teaching, coaches given sporting equipment and storage room as well as the means to instruct outdoors, and the list goes on. Each episode consists of taking one car in poor condition and restoring it and customizing it.
My challenge is about taking one body in poor condition and restoring it and customizing it, because the owner of that body puts a lot of effort and love into their communities and they deserve to have a body strong enough to help them instead of hold them back.
So come yell in my face again about how this challenge is vulgar and condescending to women. And I will tell you that you have lost touch with pop culture and no longer understand that the word ‘pimp’ is no longer just a slang abbreviation for sex trafficking manager… just like ‘cool’ is not simply the temperature of your sugar and fat packed fridge.
Stop worrying so much about a word in a title and think, for one friggin second about the fact that people are mobilizing by the hundreds to exercise…and all you can do is whine, judge, complain, yell, hinder, discourage, HATE and point your little angry sausages at me.
I was an victim of assault slightly over 2 months ago (the length of this challenge) and this challenge is going to (hopefully) help me take back my power and confidence, help me heal from the hell of all of it, help me regain my sense of safety and the ablity to protect myself… and anyone that decides to throw sexual trafficking statistics in my face… well…. have I got a story to tell you. (that is, if you know how to listen in private as well as you can blast in public). AND next time im somewhere and need to beat someone up or climb or run away…. I will be able to handle business. And that dude will be injured. Although standing in an alley screaming I Dare You To Mug Me might not be the smartest minigoal to handle in a challenge.
Im sorry that my personal attempts at righting a wrong that was done to me this summer, is causing your underwear to wedge itself so uncomfortably in your derriere, that you find the need to blog about me and my unhealthy view of sexual abuse and my unconventional means of getting healthy, strong and fit… on sparkpeople, on wordpress, on tumblr, on blogspot, on blogger, on Facebook, on del.ic.io.us, etc… I know you think you are being cute, screaming my name where you think I cant hear you, tearing apart my character…
Can I ask you something? Like… a serious question.
The more people complain about me… the higher my chances grow of being permanently banned from sparkpeople. Now… we all know that not all people are motivated by the same things, God/Big Bang created/shaped us all as indivuduals and our experiences since then have guaranteed so.
So my question is, why is it so very important to you, that I be banned? Why is it so important to you that myself, and everyone similar enough to me to get results from the kind of motivation that Im pimping out… is wiped out?
Why is there an entire sect of humanity that you hate and that you want to see fail?
Really.. why are you so mean?
I welcome you to join this challenge and update the vehicle you ride around in all the time…your body.
Birthday Recap and Plan for the New Week
Tuesday, September 06, 2011Yeah this is my third blog today, sue me.
If I dont take care of this blog now, I may never get to it and I only enjoy procrastination in moderation.
Saturday morning, woke up and spent an hour stretching, had a sexy breakfast and donned my workout clothes and headed out to St. Mark’s Place and the spinning cube to wait for Joshua and head to KMart to look for manly workout shorts that dont come down to his knees.
Ended up spending a bit of time in St. Marks Place so here are spinning cubey pictures
Then it was on to the bouldering wall, which was way tough considering there are no harnesses, no flourescent handy things to hold on to, a distinct outward slope, no handholds within 4 feet of the top (that anyone could find). Joshua almost made it to the top, whereas, I made it to the bottom several several times.
My knees are banged and bruised to hell, my elbows too. My upper body is so sore that I was having trouble getting my water to my mouth and other simple locomotor events like brushing my teeth, I exaggerate you not.
Every time we fell, we clambered back up. We did, at one point, stand between a punching bag and a crate of boxing gloves and seriously consider beating each other bloody… but that’s a blog for another time… BWAHAHAHAHAHA
Thing is, now we are addicted to this daggum wall.
We are checking out lessons, listing all the places that have these things in our area and pulling on all our connection strings, esp @ Chelsea Piers & NYHRC. This is simply our newest addiction. We want to get as good as we possibly can, and we want to feel like we are bursting with pride once our abilities start increasing.
Also, we are going to try to get a bunch of friends of ours into to… but not until we’ve gotten really good at so we can be a bit cocky :P
Next… Joshua surprised me with tickets to see Incubus at the Nikon Theatre on Jones Beach (15,000 people in front of a HUGE stage with the Atlantic Ocean behind it and the most amazing cool strong breeze off the coast - le sigh - perfection!)
Flash forward through random bouts of inebriation and DOMS and you will find Jen and I spending a couple of hours running the circumference of Ground Zero, which Ive been looking forward to doing for a very very long time!
^ almost halfway point
PLAN FOR 9/6 - 9/9
1. Get my starting line numbers, before pics and measurements for PMP on Tues/Thurs
2. Run at least one morning between now and Thursday morning (preferable 5 miles on Wed morning)
3. Purge clothing on Thursday night
4. Chores on Tuesday night
5. Battery Park with Tali on Wednesday
Motivation for this week? Yacht trip Friday.
Let’s Get Pimpin!
Friday, September 02, 2011
My loudest mouth noise for PMP is going to be this. Do NOT avoid free weights and strength training because you think it will give you big manly muscles. You cant have big manly man muscles unless you are a man or taking hormones or working towards getting those results by spending all day every day in the gym dead lifting 250 pounds, CAPICHE?
In case you are still worried, and all you can hear in your head is.. i want to be thin not bumpy!!! read this:
Spartan Warrior’s 10 Reasons Women CANNOT Bulk Up
Get a set of 2, 3, 5, 8 or 10 pound free weights. Please? Look I even found you a cheap pair!
This challenge is not for people who have never exercised.
This challenge is not for binge eating or long walks.
This challenge isn’t about reading Cosmo while pedaling along on the stationary bike.
This challenge isn’t about eating more salads or organic food or how to avoid chocolate.
This challenge isn’t about finding time for a workout.
This challenge isn’t about organizing your bathroom or updating your kitchen.
This challenge isn’t about throwing away clothes that don’t fit.
This challenge isn’t about counting miles.
This challenge is about the best kind of pain.
It’s for those of us who know how to do pushups, and want to break our record.
It’s for people that know that the slow burn is the good burn, and then they go slower.
It’s for changing the landscape of your arms, the back of your legs, your belly… one rep at a time.
It’s for regular exercisers who have gotten comfortable and stopped progressing, and need to take it up a notch.
It’s for those that have been dedicating their life’s essence to cardio and have shed a ton of weight and now want to focus on details.
It’s for people like me, with a burning need to feel their body grow stronger and stronger and stronger.
It’s for the committed.
It’s for the determined.
It’s for little miss try and stop me!
It’s for 8 weeks of PAIN.
8 weeks of SWEAT.
8 weeks of JUST ONE MORE.
8 weeks of BREAKING LIMITS.
8 weeks of SURPRISING YOURSELF.
8 weeks of TRANSFORMATION.
not 2 weeks.
not 4 and a half.
not the last week only.
8 WEEKS OF ACTUALLY CHALLENGING YOUR MIND, BODY AND SPIRIT.
Your first template will be posted tonight when I get home and get all settled in and go over my plans. It won’t be all about weight- in fact the only reason to worry about the scale in this challenge would be to say at the end, LOLLERGASM, I GAINED 1 POUND AND LOST 8726589472365 INCHES. HAR!
A towel just for your workouts, to wipe sweat from your face, etc - wash it verytime you wash your wrkout clothes (meaning every time)
Optional* Some kind of Oxy pads, or astringent or something. DOing ST causes you to sweat profusely if you do it right, and you don’t want your skin going yumpy.
A yoga mat / pilates mat / rug / carpeted area / special hi-tech socks / SOMETHING to create an area in your home made just for GETTING DOWN TO SRS BUSINESS. (where you wont slip, wont bruise your tailbone on the wood, and won’t tumble over and die on the corner of your coffeetable.
dumbbells, free weights, resistance bands, Bowflex, SOMETHING TO LIFT. ~*~OR~*~ if you cannot afford to buy, find someone to borrow from, or have access to these things as a gym, then what I need from you is the PROMISE to USE YOUR OWN BODY WEIGHT and follow PROPER FORM. Just because you cant afford a cute set of lime green neoprene daisy shaped weights, doesn’t mean sht. If you can get down on your elbows and toes and hold a plank for longer than you did yesterday… YOU EFFING WIN.
Optional but Recommended* A Mirror to work out in front of. It could be your bedroom vanity, the bathroom mirror, the sliding glass doors in your backyard, the full lengther on the back of your teenaged daughters bedroom door, your shiny metal fridge… I DONT CARE… but seeing your form in the mirror is a good way to get yourself to the end of a set. Seeing is believing. And believing is succeeding.
MANDATORY* A calendar / date book / sexy Excel Spreadsheet / wall with crayons / construction paper glued to your wall… to track which days you work out which areas of your body, to make sure that you give each group a rest.
A WAY TO TRACK WHICH DAYS YOU WORK OUT WHICH GROUPS
THE PROMISE to yourself that you will allow yourself to to feel any pride or satisfaction that wells up in you, that you will embrace the healthy feelings that get stronger along with your muscles, that you will not punish yourself for feeling happy, force unnecessary humility on yourself because you are not used to achieving great things, or deny yourself the pleasure that comes with improving yourself. We do these things because we have a wire broken, not because its good manners or expected. Stop doing those things and decide NOW to revel in all your joy and power and strength.
If you think you look hot doing lunges in the mirror, by all means girl, take a hottie pic of yourself. Why not, if it’ll motivate you tomorrow.
The realization that motivates serves this purpose: TO GET YOU TO START. Once you start, you are going to keep on going until your determination, drive, strength, time limit, legs give out- NOT your motivation. Be willing to USE ANY EXCUSE TO WORKOUT and no excuse to skip it.
Before Pictures. Mandatory. Not a full frontal… but a picture of your arms (or just the left arm lol), legs, butt, belly… anything you plan on working hard enough to change. We’re all here for the same reason, no one is going to mock your before pics. And if they do, you tell me their username and I will rain down hellfire on their heartless soulless pathetic disbelieving couches.
Those who say it cannot be done, need to STFU while the rest of us are making it happen.
Measuring tape. Mandatory. Take ALL your measurements.
Lovehandles if you want to…
This part is crucial.
Some new(ish) music/tv to workout to, if that’s your thing. Sometimes the only thing to get you on the mat is the fact that there is a new Jersey Shore on the DVR just waiting, or having a brand spanking new playlist on your iPod, or CD in your stereo, that you can’t wait to work with!
A fitness magazine, like SELF, SHAPE, Fitness, WOMEN’S HEALTH, etc… because they always have 3 or 4 sections of ST moves that you can do at home. You can cut them out, tear them out, pull along the perforated edges of the cards neatly, or stick those suckers to your bedroom wall with gum and hairspray- but they WILL come in handy.
Do a little research online for the same things, for home ST workouts that you can customize.
The Workout Generator on Sparkpeople. Make friends with it.
Each Other. Check out who else is doing the challenge with you and visit their page and encourage them. It encourages you when you encourage others. That’s just science.
Accept the fact that you really are a SuperHero.
DECIDE TO FIND OUT WHAT YOU CAN REALLY DO.
Pimp My (P)Ride!
It’s how many slow reps, not how many minutes.
It’s sweat running down your spine while you grit your teeth and push harder.
It’s feeling that moment of muscle failure and knowing that, without a doubt, your body did as much as it could.
It’s seeing your limit, getting to it, and walking just beyond it, and then beyond that, and then beyond that…
It’s knowing that you are a deadly weapon.
It’s feeling your muscles tingle.
It’s feeling the blood pumping through your body, fueling your determination.
It’s knowing that this is one time when 10 minutes makes an actual difference.
You ready to make a difference?
You ready for some PRIDE?
The Bright Side / Come On Irene
Friday, August 26, 2011Living on the edge of the Louisiana Gulf Coast, also Mississippi, Florida and Georgia…Im no stranger to hurricanes. I’ve been in the thick of many of them.
Lili, when I last worked at a hurricane shelter
the first Irene which was also a Cat 2
Humberto and probably a couple more. And this doesnt include tropical storms.
And I was born during David, with no power in a dark maternity ward. I was made for this. Literally.
However, through all these storms which are a trial of your patience and your guts, there has been this one badass dude on the Weather Channel. This dude has unfailingly chosen a spot, to park his brave little booty to broadcast live for each Major Hurricane, that has turned out to be the spot where the monsters make landfall. Everytime he picks a spot, two or three days before landfall is expected, and 2 or 3 days later, Jim Cantore is on a beach or on a street in the middle of the night, in a signature black or blue plastic pancho, getting blown sideways while risking his life to holler the news to those who are next in its path. We call him the hurricane whisperer.
Wednesday, I jokingly tweeted that I wasn’t going to worry about this storm at all unless Jim Cantore showed up within two hours of Brooklyn.
Within 24 hours, Im watching the weather channel and who pops up broadcasting from the Bowling Green by the bull in the Financial District….
They have started the mandatory evacuations of hospitals and nursing care facilities in Zone A already, which includes Battery Park in the Financial District, Coney Island, Brighton and Manhattan Beach (3.5 miles south of me) and much more of Brooklyn and Staten Island. They are shutting down transportation tomorrow.
Crossing the Verrazano this morning and seeing the skyline covered in a haze so thick you almost couldnt see all the ships, barges and cruiseliners leaving the harbor, I realised I was scared for my city.
They have gotten surprisingly specific now with their predictions, going so far as to say they expect landfall on the border of Queens and Nassau Counties. That’s pretty darn specific.
Anyway, because my flight is cancelled and Im stuck here, though everyone I work with is fleeing to PA, I’m going to grab my camera and document this monster.
With no transit and guaranteed loss of power and the possibility of losing water utilities as well, the flooded days after the storm are what worry my the most. But…
I can run a half marathon and walk 20 miles (with breaks), so I can walk from my house all the way to Central Park if need be.
Im extra smart about water, cause yall know I constantly berate everyone about getting enough.
I’ve worked hard on getting strong, so I will be able to help move fallen branches and debris without feeling as though I am in the way.
I can climb and crawl and pull myself up and push my way through and keep myself surefooted thanks to all the hard work I have put in over the last couple years.
Its like one of my imaginative runs from zombies/james bond/russian mobsters except more post-apocalyptic. Even if we just lose power, I will imagine myself in a disaster movie.
A lot of people believe this is just going to be a bad thunderstorm. They laugh and say hurricanes always pass by them.
I lived in New Orleans, once upon a time, and they used to sing the same tune. Irene is scheduled to hit the area ON the anniversary of Katrina.
I just know this time feels different, and although we may not have Cat 3 winds or a 40 ft storm surge… I know that the ground and trees have been staturated to the point of being swollen for two weeks now. I know we just had a flood in our basement about a week and a half ago. I know that of the one hundred and thirty something thousand water catch basins in the city, most have not even been serviced in up to three years. I know they are shutting down transit and sealing us up like its Raccoon City. I know its the WATER that’s gonna land here that is the real problem.
But Im ready! Ready for her to get here. Read for her to do her damage and ready for her to leave so I can put my body to use in the clean up and cross the city sans electricity with my camera and a gallon of water.
I was born for this.
I trained for this. ;)
and I had a sexy breakfast.
Monday, August 15, 20113 weeks until its time to sht or get off the pot.
This challenge is not about cardio.
Its not about losing pounds.
Its not about losing pounds.
It’s not about eating healthy.
Its not about controlling your emotions.
Its not about building self-esteem.
This challenge isnt about mini-goals or skinny jeans.
This challenge is about one thing and one thing only.
S T R E N G T H
It’s about sculpting and defining and sexifying the muscles you have.
It’s about getting comfortable with free weights.
It’s about using your body to make itself stronger.
If you’re close to goal weight, it’s time to make the tweaks and turn that flat tummy into a
If you’re just starting to run, let’s get those legs and back strong.
If you’re injured and can’t do cardio, let’s up your metabolism.
Sept 6 - November 1.