I’m terrified to run a marathon, like an organized routed one with other people- because Im so sure that I will be really good at it, and nail it, and get to the end like - oh wow- that was no big deal- and people will hate me and think im an arrogant bitch

so, instead, im going to stress myself out for the next ten months and make the NYC marathon the most stressful painful thing Ive ever endured…

just so people wont hate me for doing it.

me

10 REASONS RUNNING DOESN’T SUCK AS MUCH AS YOU THINK

Boob Sweat

10 Reasons Running Doesn’t Suck As Much As You Think

by Susan Lacke

The word “running” used to conjure up painful and awkward memories of gym class. My middle-school gym teacher, Mrs. Morey, would stand her roly-poly body at the top of the hill behind our school, barking through a megaphone between bites of beef jerky at us red-faced kids as we ran circles around the track. According to her, running  was supposed to build character, or whatever it is they teach gym teachers to say in gym teacher school.

Needless to say, most of the gasping kids on the track were thinking the same thing: Character? <bleep> you. Choke on your jerky, fatty.

Your first experience with running was probably in gym class. And it’s quite possible it left the same rancid taste in your mouth, with little desire to ever run again. But no more! I hit the reset button on my attitude towards running, and for the last two years, have gone from hating running to loving it (most of the time). Running really doesn’t suck as much as you think. Here’s why:

  1. Most races and fun runs are full of hot bodies in very little clothing. Let me repeat that: HOT PEOPLE. WEARING PRACTICALLY NOTHING. Wear sunglasses, and ogle with reckless abandon.
  2. You can lose weight by drinking nothing but hot water with lemon. Or you can run for an hour, treat yourself to a cookie and still fit into your skinny jeans. One of these options makes you bitchy; the other makes you rad.
  3. Take your iPod with you, and your runs suddenly become a safe place to indulge your love of boy-band music. With enough practice, you can even blend in a couple dance moves from ‘Bye Bye Bye’. Don’t lie: You’ve still got that routine memorized.
  4. When your boss, your melodramatic friend and your nagging to-do list won’t leave you alone, calmly put on your running shoes and head out the door. They won’t follow you. It’s a safer alternative to storming out with both middle fingers in the air (though you can -and should- still do this in your head, just for spectacular effect).
  5. You’ll discover lululemon pants are good for more than just buying tampons and Cheez-its at Target (I know, ladies. My world was rocked with that discovery, too.).
  6. Running is the last place you have to “be a lady.” Sweat, snot and sneaking behind a bush to pee is not only liberating it’s fun, in that giggly-childish-naughty kind of way.
  7. Getting a run in before happy hour means you get tipsy on half a glass of wine instead of your usual two. That’s not being a lush, that’s just sound economic planning.
  8. Studies have shown that runners have better sex. Sex counts as a cross-training workout, which in turn makes you a better runner, which – hello! – leads to even better sex. Really, the whole thing is full of win-wins.
  9. Girls are lucky; there’s an entire industry committed to making us look awesome while getting our sweat on. Workout clothes come in all sorts of cool colors and designs. Jockstraps, on the other hand, will always be ugly with questionable stains.
  10. Non-runners will sit on the couch and call you crazy. Those folks, sadly, will never learn what their bodies are capable of. You, on the other hand, will die knowing you completely, totally, unabashedly used up the body that was loaned to you. That’s not crazy. That’s freakin’ awesome.

Source: hellogiggles.com

psst

Thursday, November 10, 2011

I had an AMAZING morning.

I went for a run. FINALLY, finally trusting my ankle to go with me again. It was humid and foggy and eerie end of days at the beginning, totally zombie weather.

I set me new wind up metal clangclangclang windup alarm clock for 5 am, just to be SURE that I was up early enough to get in a substantial run. I laid there, and laid there, and slipped in and out of the dream I was having, stretching, procrastinating.
Then I just laid there imagining myself getting up and going, but then that started putting me to sleep.
So all of a sudden a little voice starts saying,

psst
hey you
pretty girl under the blanket
i know youre all warm and cozy
but its not very cold outside today
and there is some fun to be had
there’s a nice broad leaf-covered sidewalk
waiting for you to crunch crunch crunch
waiting for you glide through the gold and red and fiery brilliance of fall

pssst
hey you
happy girl hiding behind her pillow
today is a day to celebrate
and we both know why
how else would be better than baring your smile to the sky
and feeling the cool wind in your hair
and get yourself all nice and out of breath

psssst
hey you
blushing girl
stick your cute little feet out from under the blanket and wiggle yours toes
go ahead and laugh at me and giggle all you want
i know its silly, prodding you
but youll be so glad I did

now put some goddamn clothes on, baby, and let’s go hit the road.






Im sorry I did not get more pictures but most of my run time was in the fog, also the lights on fifth avenue are on at Nighttime- so yall will have to wait for those pictures, Im so sorry.


But the trees were so beautiful and I was so pissed that my touchscreen wasnt working in the fog, but its supposed to be better tomorrow morning so Im going to try for pics at the lake at sunrise, because that sounds to me like one of the most relaxing refreshing inspiring ways to start a weekend, when you only have a half work day left in your way.

Im going to get some beautiful shots tomorrow.

I CANT WAIT.

(and im just going to keep saying that all day today and all night tonight)

I cant wait!
I cant wait!
I cant wait!

Also, am officially no longer single. If that is something that inspires you to tell me something about myself, please to dont.

Single Vision Continues (State of the YOO)

I get opinions and advice on everything that comes out of my mouth here. Thanks to sparkpeople, my life is no longer my own, but is a weekly/daily comic strip for people to criticize, laugh at, print out to keep, to write editorials on, to talk about at the water cooler, my life is all neatly summed up in a wee blog, literature in a hurry.

Its never the whole story, its always little bits and pieces that I feel comfortable sharing with the public. Tiny edited portions that can share how I’m feeling, reveal my reservations and neurosis, without hurting the feelings of people who don’t agree with my lifestyle, or offending the powers that be, or exposing my friends and their lives too much on the internet where they cannot defend their actions.

In other words, I have to keep this as positive and upbeat as possible to keep from getting in trouble with anyone. Which is why I can reveal my darker side and my fears and my phobias and temper tantrums, cause I cant get in trouble for being relateable on the ugly embarrassing side.

It does however, open me up to ALL KINDS of advice. All of it conflicting. Yes, all of it.

Just Be Yourself
Edit Yourself
Change yourself
don’t change yourself
don’t look for a man
Put yourself out there
Its easy if its “THE ONE”
Its not supposed to be easy, its supposed to be worth it
Its scary
If you’re scared, he’s not “THE ONE”
Get over yourself
Get over your parents
Just do you
Just do me
Suck it up
See a therapist
Close your account
Ignore the haters
Ignore the ass kissers
They’re just jealous
They’ve got a point
Set little tiny goals
You need something GIANT to work toward
DGAF about the scale
What’s your goal weight?
Only pay attention to non-scale victories
You cant weigh 14o-something, that’s too low of a number on the machine you aren’t supposed to care about.
Stop having issues with God
Stop giving into your demons
Stop trying to people please
You gotta understand you’re in the public eye and you have to give the public what they want
don’t be so perky, no one likes perky people
Cheer up OMG
Try drinking more water
Have you tried tracking your food?
Once you lose the first 10 pounds you’ll build momentum
Do you eat vegetables?
Have you ever tried going vegetarian?
Whatever you do, don’t give up meat!
don’t run at night!
don’t run in the morning!
don’t run and do ST on the same day!
Workout whatever way makes you happy!
Do something besides run.
Find something you love and stick to it.
Give up soda!

Please don’t think I’m all pissy and mad as I’m writing this, believe me, I’m not, I’m giggling remembering a lot of it. I love when people ask me if I’ve given up soda and started drinking water yet.



You know how when you talk to dudes they try to take your conversation as a jumping off point for action? But you just wanna vent?

Sometimes I just wanna vent here. USUALLY i just wanna vent here. Sometimes I ask for feedback or advice, but usually I’m just organizing my thoughts and writing myself into being ready to handle, tackle or achieve something I’m finding hard to start. So if I get miffed at a piece of advice that you wrote on my wall, its just because I probably already heard it a million times today, or I feel as though my intelligence is insulted, or I can tell you didn’t read anything past the first line of my blog before you threw that gem in my face.
emoticon

I vent here cause nobody in my life wants to hear all this sht that’s rolling around in my head 24/7. Or I’ve got them so bogged down with helping me not spontaneously combust whilst dealing with the trials, tribulations, humiliation and self-hatred that comes along with dating again for the first time in a decade.

Also- for everyone out there telling me not to look for a man… LMAO I’m NOT!

I found one, by accident, when I wasn’t looking, didn’t expect him and my life is totally interrupted (in a beutiful way). So I’m extra vulnerable and exposed right now, and therefore my skin is all raw and sensitive and not as (sortof) thick as I’ve been doing my best to build it up to be.



I’ve gotta keep my defenses down so he can get in. Unfortunately, other lil bastids are climbing over too and I’m spending a lot of time with a fly swatter.

So I need my own little world. Contrary to what I show everyone on here, I keep myself VERY locked up emotionally. I’m a lonely hiding girl. Have been for many many years.



NOT socially. Socially I have a core group that I move with and it has dozens of little off-shoot groups that I can roam among safely and with protection and love. Always padded and baby-proofed. LOL in more ways than one. But romantically, let’s just say that any time there’s a newish guy in the music network that comes over and says how he’d like to take me out sometime, there is always someone right behind him that lets out a belly laugh and says ‘Good Luck homeboy’. So I don’t even have to reject people anymore, I just smile and walk away. Yeah, that’s how I handle sht. I smile and walk away.

Here though, you poke me and I don’t walk away, I usually lose my sht. Shrug, no one is perfect. 

So I need a tiny little isolated world of my own to get lost in.



Some of you know that I’ve been doing a little experiment in which I eat like crap and don’t work out so I can watch my mental well-being rapidly decline and I gotta say, its not very fun at all.

Without runs: (not diarrhea, just cardio routes)

emoticon I stress over every little thing
emoticon I can’t work out the sources of my bad feelings, only the symptoms
emoticon the stress and the confusion of my state of mind combine to create an emotional hurricane leading to night filled with tissues Jack Daniels and my chemical romance.

I have to start running again. MANANA.

tomorrow
tomorrow
tomorrow

If I can JUST get myself to go for the first time, the second time is easier, I know that, I preach that, I’ve lived that, I’ve stopped that. Have to go again. I may be ready right now but tomorrow morning?

If I wake up crying and miserable and scared, then I will not go- BUT THAT’S WHEN I REALLY SHOULD GO THE MOST!

Maybe I need an opposites day.

I’m getting fat again lol no I’m not kidding, i gained like 8 pounds but i dgaf because i have more pressing issues in my head, such as RUNNING BEING MY THERAPY AND I’m NOT GOING LATELY.



Motivations to run tomorrow.

emoticon I have new running capris and a new hoodie with thumbholes that I got for my bday and haven’t worn yet. WTF
emoticon The christmas lights have gone up on 5th avenue.
emoticon Pretty soon the sun wont be up this early anymore and I wont be able to do this in the morning.
emoticon This weekend, I may not be around to run, so I should get in at least one this week.
emoticon All I ask is one run this week. Just one. That’s all. Gimme a half hour. No big expectations. Just one wee trot.
emoticon I bet the Verrazano looks beautiful in this crisp clean air we’ve been having.
emoticon I swear on my life you will feel better afterward. Please please please please believe me.
emoticon Your jeans felt tight for the first time this morning.
emoticon The big burlesque show is coming up in 3 and a half weeks.
emoticon I gained a little, so I can lose a lot. I needed to see the scale move, so I gained some that would be easy to lose. Now go lose that PLUS 2 or 3 more. PLEASE.
emoticon for peace of mind for peace of mind for peace of mind
emoticon So I can get all my crazy out before the weekend
emoticon So I can face everything don’t want to thinking about by the end of mile 3 and have all the rest of that time to daydream about… well to be honest, I know exactly what I will dream about.
emoticon Being on top.
emoticon Walking around naked. You do this ALL THE TIME. You make yourself do it. Once your clothes are off, your fearless. Running tomorrow will keep it that way baby.



emoticon get your edge back
emoticon because you haven’t done something you love, other than sleep, for a long time
emoticon you have so much book stuff you’ve been pondering and running seems to be the only time you can go off into your imagination.
emoticon It would be good for my self-esteem to be out running while NYC is asleep
emoticon I am a happier person that is more fun and refreshing to be around when I deal with my own sht properly. I cant keep smiling and walking way, i have to run and cry it all out and just GET RAW with myself in order to feel better. Nothing fixes this lie running, not even ‘I missed you so much’ Hugs.



emoticon Because its time to admit to myself that I’ve hit all the walls. ALL OF THEM. And its unacceptable for me to sit here indian style, sketching pictures of the all the pretty walls closing in on me instead of grabbing my grappling hook and heading out into the brave new world on the other side.
emoticon I’m being a coward for too long of a span of time.
emoticon because I don’t have any faith in myself. I think running helps that too. I’m not sure how, but it seems to. Don’t look a gift solution in the mouth.
emoticon i want to be better than i am now.
emoticon RUNNING. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. ALWAYS. LEAVES. ME. SMILING.
emoticon i WANT endorphins, not cortisol or whatever
emoticon you’re ACTUALLY dating an ACTUAL superhero. Yoov, gotta keep up.
emoticon don’t let the differences be what you dwell on, let them be what yoo keep trying to move past, close the gap don’t widen it.
emoticon Imagine the cool air tomorrow morning, filling your lungs, giving you goosebumps, imagine it now because it HAS to happen tomorrow.



ONE RUN
not telling you to embrace all of your free time all at once beore you have none left, not telling you its now or never, just telling you to please go, please, for me.

I’m actually begging my inner athlete to take me for a run. What is the world coming to?

emoticon I know right