Hard. Rock.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

So I got an idea.

Flustered Rockluster is a silly phrase we often turn when at shows and such, describing that half dressed-up/half messed-up, disoriented state in which we are happy and having fun but something is all wrong and we are stuck, probably because of ‘bandonment issues’ and trying to leave after a show is like herding cats. You’re ineBRIated, its 3 am, your killer heels are killing you, makeup’s a bit wonky, hair is mussed, dunno where you’re headed next or when, starving, etc.

So I was back in my spot in the middle of my bed listening to music last night, and I was trying to think my way through this whole wall. This steel-reinforced concrete anti-terrorist wall. And I started zooming in on certain parts as though I was a lazerbeam of light coming through a magnifying glass, sizzling my motives like unfortunate ants.

Here’s what I got.

The lack of superficial victories, like getting into smaller clothes and being able to say my weight out loud, and having a bikini body, asserts itself in my brain as a complete lack of goal achievement, since my physical appearance has become important to me, when once I really dgaf.

I’m getting hung up on this part of my life, so its detracting from joy I should be feeling in other areas and replacing it with self-doubt and loathing. Its throwing off my balance.

What do the pros usually do for their clients? like when entertainment value is absolutely necessary for the viewing audience on the other side of the camera that’s waiting for well timed progress?

What do they do when they are 4/5 of the way through?



What they do is the makeover episode.

Well since the hold up on the superficial and the numbers is whats pissing me off, then I will embrace that I need surface work in several areas of my life.

I am going to embark on a 2 part makeover of enormous magnitude.

There are four parts of my life that will be getting four overhauls, so this means that even when I am not seeing progress in one area, I can see with my own eyes that it is because I am progressing in another area. I will have something small I need to do every day in each category, and a bigger project that I will have a week to complete- again, in each category.

These are the four parts of my life that are getting a makeover:

Wardrobe (includes putting together a closet organization system and purging all old unfitting clothing and building my dressing area)

Body (including losing weight, slimming down and changing my outside appearance in general- from hair to skin to fingernails)

Creativity (includes painting the rest of my room, setting up my own office in my room- better designed for writing, getting a computer and selling my work)

Social (involves my behavior outside of home, in the public eye and all the bravery that entails… including breaking into new scenes and trailblazing alone)



Part One is three months, Feb- April 30 

Each day I will have small habits I have to work on building to last, such as taking care of my skin on my body and not just my face, making sure all clothing is put away before bed, spent at least 45 minutes of actual sweaty exercise- if I dont feel like I worked out- it doesnt count- cause it means I didnt give a crap, that my brainstorming for creative sessions is done, and all my emails and text messages have been answered- working on that list tomorrow- my daily lists.

Each week, I will have a bigger project- such as- empty your closet and sort all your dressy clothes and set aside which dresses you can give away, dye your roots and give yourself a pedi, go to an event in this neighborhood, finish this video or chapter and complete a run, a pilates session and a boxing session before sunday night.

At the end of the three months, hopefully I will have made serious progress in all these areas and have created some lovely healthy habits.



Part Two is May… the final countdown to Coney Island Opening Day

May is going to be the kick at the end of the marathon. My finishing lap. With all the healthy slow buildup of the previous three months, I will be (should be) able to dive into May with feet on fire, to kick my physical activity into overdrive and shock my metabolism.

The end of May finishes with a rock-wall climb-off between Joshua and I… and if I’ve lost at least 15 of the 20-25 pounds I have left to lose… a tattoo. O_O I know- me and my commitment issues, right?

But Part Two’s planning must wait until April, when I see what I have become by then.

But with this plan, which appeals to my superficiality, my need and love for balance, my love of all things fashion and pampering and social aspects of rocknroll… I think I can approach this as a big makeover transition and stick with it. It helps the contestants on TV to get their fire back, why not me?

I’m going to pull out all the stops, motivation walls, calendars, stickers, power point presentations, naked seminars, kitchen overhauls, new exercises, everything. Its the only option left to me.

Because for some reason, I just thought that eventually Yoovie and Bri would just blend together- but its not happening. I have to do major surgery- cause these girls are butting heads- they are becoming too much alike and its not natural to live in conflict like this…

its called multiple-personality disorder, sheesh.

So… surgery starts.

I’m giving myself a makeover over of metal proportions.

I will be someone else by summer.

JANUARY 2012

Monday, January 30, 2012

Today is my mom’s 53rd birthday. WHerever you are mom, I hope youre rockin it.

January has been so insane for me that Im going to make a list here and now to see how I spent the month. I keep getting dates and weeks and weekends blurred together.

30 - Hoboken No Jokin - Maxwell’s Concert
31 - TAI’s House, Ball Drop, Haven New Years Party
1 - shopping with Sophian, New Year’s Day Dinner with Kate and Jen
2 - broke up with Sophian, spent the day with the band
3 - Kate and Jen came over for dinner
4 - date at the Haven
5 - Matterhorn came to visit!
7 - Anthony came to visit! Tali’s Bday Party @ Shoolbred!!
9 - BCS Championship Game with Chris, Jen, Joshua, Sarah and Allie Icicle Lights
10 - date @ Three Jolly Pigeons
11 - date @ Sunset Park
14 - Santino’s Birthday @ Rock n Rose
15 - Applejack Diner, Giant’s Game @ TAI, shepherding Santino around NYC
16 - Jen’s House dinner with roommates
18 - Hanging out @ Vinny’s
20 - party @ Jens
21 - Canal Room & Rubix Cube for Anns bday
23 - Jersey with Danny
24 - pregaming at Rock n Rose
25 - Scarlet Carson Headline debut @ Tammany, after show- hot tub party @ TAI
26 - Girls night at my place/marikart64tournament
27 - Slumber Party with Jen
28 - Hot Tub Party
3 - Scarlet Carson/TAI at the Stone Pony on the Jersey Shore
4 - Jersey Shore
5 - Super Bowl Party in Astoria

So THIS is why I have to spend the next 5 days (including today) doing an hour of exercise each day. I want to look GREAT on Friday at the pony.

Motivations for the week include (but are not limited to):

emoticon the black corset Im wearing Friday
emoticon suddenly finding myself often in my panties without warning due to the new hot tub at TAI-HQ
emoticon close encounters of the oops kind
emoticon about to make my second venture into the Jersey shore area scene, want to feel my best
emoticon (sunshiny secret in 2 weeks)
emoticon bare. midriff.
emoticon sexy time.
emoticon this year, we dance.
emoticon 3 months til the beach… groan - not that it really matters since im having to rock bikini in my pale pasty lumpy body right NOW
emoticon someone there has seen me naked.

SO

an hour minimum each day this week- I dont care what I do (as long as its more than stretching) I dont care if its:

ballet
boxing
pilates
sexy hot naked pilates
unsexy awkward ridiculous jumping jacks
planks and body weight exercises
freeweights
resistance bands
running
rollerblading
IDONTCARE

get sweaty, get stupid, for an hour every day this week.

This week’s Meal Plan

Monday - whole wheat pasta with homemade fresh sauce from farmer’s market tomatoes, onions, peppers and olives
Tuesday - chicken and cashew nuts with brown rice and veggies
Wednesday - asparagus and baby corn stirfry and lamb
Thursday - Tuna filet and brussels sprouts
Friday - redbull and vodka (but for my mid-day meal Im having salmon)
Saturday- good lord- whatever I can find on the boardwalk
Sunday- probably bad- super bowl food

Here’s some pics of what I’ve been up to!


besties!


serious birthday karaoke business at Rock & Rose

(before the real show- see below)





my two favorite bands taking over the stage at Tammany Hall



Bryant Park


Also - Im updating my online photography profile, it can now be found at:
frame23.smugmug.com/

emoticon So this week, I gotta pamper my ego a bit, cause Im about to be in front of tons of people and I dont want inner Bri to freak the frak out at the last minute. I need yoovie/bri to be one person, bright shiny engaging happy dancing free spirited and NOT SCARED.

emoticon Best way to do that is to go no prisoners all week.

emoticon YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!!!!!!

NAKED.
FEBRUARY BIKINI.
HOT TUB.
STONE PONY.

NO FEAR.

emoticon

Serve Me Up the Sky With a Big Slice of Lemon

Thursday, January 19, 2012



So my problem was three fold.

1. I needed a direction to go in. And no, FORWARD is not the obv answerino. Ok maybe it is, but I needed to pick a vessel to carry me forward. No exercise or fitness was appealing to me anymore. Running wasnt getting me anywhere. Boxing required enthusiasm I didnt have. Jumping Jacks wanted perky energy that I dont feel like mustering.

2. All I wanted for Christmas was a hyperthyroid. I mean, I know these last twenty are going to be hard. Hell Ive been saying that for a year an a half. The hard scares me. How hard? What if its too hard and that means I really dont want it? If youre not willing to sacrifice for your dream, its not your dream. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to sacrifice ANYTHING and that scared me.

3. I started leaning on healthy motivation again. I have proved to myself repeatedly that this is not an effective way of motivating me. It was what was expected in the spark community, but it simply doesnt work for me. Sexy works better for me. I needed to find the sexy part again and stop trying to bend to the conservative will of spark. Its entirely possible to remain myself without overstepping their laws.

So.

Of course I wont solve any of these until I can solve all three at once and usually that just happens when Im talking things out. Thankfully, all three of these issues have been hacky-sacking around in my head while trying to figure out how to ‘start’ over entirely. I started thinking about what I was doing when I first started losing weight almost 100 pounds ago. I couldnt run, and walking hurt my old hip injuries. I felt stupid and fat on a bike. I did pilates. It really gave me the change I needed to see to stick with it long enough to be at a weight where I could start jogging and walking everywhere and getting in more cardio.



Maybe I need to go back to that.

Pilates would solve all three of my issues AND make me feel as though I was starting completely over again.

1. A Vessel to carry me forward. I can reinvest in Pilates. It is actually appealing to me in a fog where nothing else is. I think it is because it calls to that sexy side of me. Its about my body. Its about spending time with my body. Hell I can even do it naked.


2. It requires me to sacrifice something precious to me, but not something I dont mind sacrificing. TIME. Spending time indoors, working up a slow steady heart pounding excruciatingly intricate kind of pain via Pilates, sounds good to me. Time is something I can contribute to the altar of my goals. Sacrificing distance, meaning, running 6 miles from my house and having to come back- not doing it for me. Sacrificing my quiet mood, meaning, working myself up to box when Im not pissed… not doing it for me. Sacrificing comfort and feeling delicate and pretty to do jumping jacks? Its not calling me loud enough. But pilates…. pilates actually sounds inviting.

3. I can make this so sexy. I can do it by fairy lights, with incense burning and the heat cranked up. I can listen to soulful music, rock music, belly dancing music, TOOL, idgaf. I can wear my tiniest workout clothes and get dripping wet on the floor in front of my fireplace. I can feel sexy as I pay attention to all the muscles in my core engaging, my legs strengthening and my back and torso elongating. I want to feel the sweat drip down my spine and wet the hair at the nape of my neck. I should also be tanner as I do this.



Maybe if I can do 12 hour long pilates sessions in the next 4 weeks, then I can treat myself to a tanning session. Hmmm that does sound good to me.

oooh - let’s check out some added bonuses!!

1. this will help me reach my bikini handstand on the beach picture goal
2. I think it will definitely affect that layer of fat floating on top of the muscles I want so badly to see
3. Constantly working on my core in new ways will make sure that I stay mindful about what Im eating, because you cant out-exercise a bad diet.
4. Its time to shake up my abs routine.
5. This may be so opposite to running that it may actually break up this plateau.
6. Raises my body awareness
7. gives incredibly good posture side-effects
8. Hopefully it will help me with my rockclimbing somehow as well- maybe the stability and core strength
9. It will work my entire body each time.
10. It doesnt feels like reps and sets you.
11. Increase flexibility
12. you can zen the frak out at the same time.



So because I have no computer or TV area and am going to be doing this in my room, Im printing out all these BLOGILATES’seses (Have you seen this stuff??? I love this and have BEEN wanting to try all her stuff)

So because I have no computer or TV area and am going to be doing this in my room, Im printing out all these BLOGILATES’seses (Have you seen this stuff??? I love this and have BEEN wanting to try all her stuff - esp the corset workout!)

blogilates.com/category/
printables-2 also blogilates.tumblr.com



Im the hero of my story, I dont need to be saved.

Yoovie’s PLATEAU Theory - reposted for SELF

Wednesday, January 11, 2012

Your brain does not evolve at the same rate as your body.

Major sections of your personality hinge on your perception of your physical appearance.

Which is controlled by your brain.

Which doesn’t change as fast as your body.

You following me still?

As you change the shape of your body, your perception of yourself does not necessarily change at the same rate. Where you may have gone from an 8 to a 6 or from a 22W to an 18… your perception of your body might not have changed at all.

This is very hindering!

“I’ve lost 50 pounds but can’t really seeee the difference!”
“I had to buy an entirely new wardrobe but I dont feel smaller.”
“I have no idea what the scale is talking about, cause I still see the fat.”
“THIS IS BULLSH*T!”

You’d think that losing the poundage would be an instant and immediate change in our reflection. But that reflection has to go through our brain filters first.

Our brain filters… some good some bad. Like?

1. Comparing to the person next to you or someone else in general. That’s the first and quickest way to alter your perception away from your simple sense of sight.
2. Comparing yourself to what you USED to see. This can be good or bad. If you are used to seeing your reflection span the entire width of the mirror and now there are several inches of bathroom wallpaper visible behind you, AWESOME. But you can see how comparing to your old self would also affect what you actually see in front of you, negatively.
3. Inner critics. Moms, aunts, best friends, significant others… all those unwanted, unbidden opinions floating around in your head… alter what your brain is processing.
4. Self-inflicted expectations. These can also be good or bad. Expectations to eat right and be active can have a postive reinforcement in your brain filters. Expectations to lose 9 jean sizes between New Year’s and the beach… ehhhh notsomuch helpful.
5. This is the tough one. This is the Reflection that you have gotten used to seeing. The YOU that you ARE. The grownup, this is me, reflection. When we are very used to seeing one person in the mirror, and she starts looking very different…. it can be very disconcerting.

NOW hold that thought….

When you are doing cardio or ST.. and you need a rest to catch your breath and get your bearings… do you take it?

When I run, I run a block or three and then walk a block, run a block or three and then walk a block. It dawned on me yesterday that that is EXACTLY how my weight loss progress goes. But if I walk too long instead of hopping back into a run at the next block… lol guess what, no loss.

emoticon Running = losing steadily
emoticon Walking = maintaining
emoticon Stopping = gaining or giving up.

Now… I walk until I can give my poor ankles a break, catch my breath and adjust my tits. Change the song on my iPod, take a picture, drink some water, ogle a hottie running past. Tie my shoes, wipe the sweat off my face, get it out of my eyes and decide which direction I will go next.

We need these little moments of walking. Think about it.

emoticon Give my ankles a break = time off for injuries
emoticon Catch my breath = take care of other things going on that have higher priority
emoticon Adjust my tits = rearrange your schedule
emoticon Change the song on my iPod = find a new way to invigorate yourself
emoticon Take a picture = stop to smell the roses along the way OR take a progress picture, take stock in how far you’ve come
emoticon Drink some water = check in on how you are caring for yourself
emoticon Ogle a hottie running past = time out for silly ish
emoticon Tie my shoes = make sure you aren’t doing anything the unsafe way
emoticon Wipe the sweat off my face = slough off the bad habits you’re steadily dropping
emoticon Get it out of my eyes = (DING DING DING - PAY ATTENTION) GIVE YOUR BRAIN’S PERCEPTION OF YOU TIME TO CATCH UP TO WHAT YOU REALLY LOOK LIKE AND FEEL LIKE NOW. YOUR ABILITIES AND DIMINISHED LIMITATIONS. There’s a new ‘you’ to get used to in the mirror.
and
emoticon Decide which direction I will go next = Decide which path to take. Do I keep maintaining this walk for a little while until I have done all those things? Do I stop? Do I quit? Can I start running again now? Left? Right? Up the hill?

There are so many things right there that we can get hung up on when we reach a plateau. Sometimes we’ve handled everything except the part where we are giving our brains and bodies enough time to SYNC UP AGAIN. It’s frustrating, I know.

Sometimes, the more weight you’ve lost… the longer that plateau might last, even if you never stop exercising regularly, never give up eating right, never slow to a walk… but it’s time that you NEED so your perception isnt completely out of whack.

I KNOW. BELIEEEEEEEEEEEVE ME, I KNOW. I spent last summer in agony, trying to live in a body that was 90 pounds smaller than the me I’d been used to for a decade. 90 pounds. That’s like… Justin Beiber.

I looked a million times better. My skin was radiant from all the water, my hair was badass as usual, but I was taking turns too widely, sucking in my stomach to edge around a chair when I had more than enough room to walk straight past it. Wearing clothing 3 sizes too big. Avoiding any kind of attention at all. Getting angry when someone would tell me I was beautiful and fit because obviously they were mocking me. I was hiding behind people (and door frames/lazy-boys/kitchen islands) still, I was being so harsh on myself. I FLAT OUT REFUSED to date anyone who was physically fit. O_o (wacked out yo)

My stubborn ass needed a plateau so I could get used to my new body.

Here’s the trick though… you can’t walk forever. One day, you will wake up…. and JUST like the day you woke up and decided (for real) to START this mission to get a better body (for real) and you will realise you can move on from your plateau. You will start running again, and your mind and body will be as one and THEN…

Then the magic happens.

How else would you describe the fact that your body won’t lose any weight that your brain doesnt want it to, despite all physical efforts?

If you’ve hit a plateau, see if you need to adjust your tits, ogle a hottie, tie your shoes, get the sweat out of your eyes or if you are just waiting to pick a direction to go next.

And when you figure it out… grab your brain and start running again.


believe-toachieve.tumblr.com

PS. just dont use this as a friggin excuse or weightloss karma will bite you HARD, babydoll.

Pipe Cleaner Plan

Thursday, January 05, 2012

FIRSTLY, MY APOLOGIES FOR BEING IN THE POPULARITY CONTEST AGAIN.

Did you ever play with pipe cleaners when you were a kid?



Did you know that they were created for unfun work like cleaning medical equipment and grandpa’s pipe? They are made for function only. A soft absorbent material wrapped around a flexible backbone to keep things in the right place and not break or get stuck.

Not unlike our bodies.
And definitely not unlike our weight loss plans.

How so?

Well- we all know the unfun part of this.

emoticon Eat right.
emoticon Exercise consistently.
emoticon Drink Water.
emoticon Get enough sleep.
emoticon Wash your workout clothes.
emoticon Repeat.

This is the wire in the middle.

We can bend it to match our lifetyles, but if you are constantly bending it this way and that and all over the place, eventually it gets so kinked up that you need a fresh one.

Its not starting over, its just grabbing a new pipe cleaner.

But… humans being what they are, pipe cleaners did not remain grey and functional and boring cleaning implements. They turned into wild and crazy fun colors and we started inventing ways to turn them into creative sources of entertainment.

So we have to look at the wire part again and see what kind of fun absorbent color we can wrap them in.

emoticon 1. Eat right: wrap this in an enthusiasm for trying new foods and replacing the bad foods with healthy delicious things we’ve never (or rarely) try.

need crunchy and salty chips? try pretzels, healthy crackers like triscuit (my fave - esp dipped in hummus or cottage cheese) or wheat thins, goldfish, sunsflower seeds, cheezy rice cakes and popcorn.

need something crunchy but you want it sweet? try things like caramel rice cakes, or nuts with cinnamon, or pecans or walnuts with craisins or something, apple slicess with peanut butter, a quarter of a cup of ice cream mixed with dry cheerios… get creative.

want just plain sweet? hit the yogurt, the cereal bars, strawberries and (dark) chocolate, 100 calorie packs (JUST ONE, CRAZY LADY), hot cocoa, peppermints, raspberries, frozen grapes… it does NOT have to be skittles in a milkshake to ease an actual sweettooth.

emoticon 2. Exercise consistently: It doesnt say run 30 miles a week and do 100 pushups every morning, does it? Noooo. It leaves the HOW 100% in YOUR hands. And when you know how to do something well, it gets more and more fun.

Want group exercise? there are millions of classes from spinning to latin dancing that will work you into a feverish sweat alongside people you can laugh and compete with.

Need to burn off some aggression? Boxing and kickboxing with inanimate objects can replace years of therapy in some cases.

Need pure fun? rollerblading, hula hooping, dancing in your livingroom, cartwheels, jungle gyms, playing with your kids… if you do these things for TWENTY MINUTES STRAIGHT twice a day, they work. Imagine if youre having a blast and do even more.

Need organization? join a local sports team at the Y or something, volleyball, tennis, basketball, choose your poison.

Want old fashioned? do a couple weeks of regular calisthenics.

Want slow and steady and strengthening? Try yoga or pilates or yogilates and treat your mind as well as your body.

Want fast and furious? buy a bike and work on going farther and farther and farther

Want to feel self-propelled? start the couch to 5K program as a stepping stone to the freedom of running, which in turn leads to exploring your sense of adventure in a world where all you need is your feet and a beat.

There are so many exercise options out there that “exercise consistently” CANT get boring. Something not working anymore? THat pipe cleaner all kinked up? Get a new one.

emoticon 3. Drink water. Add lemon or raspberries to it. Get a personalised, just for you, awesome reusable water bottle. Decorate with with decals, or your favorite exercise mantra. Freeze ice cubes with bits of fruit in them to make your boring glass of water look expensive and luxurious. Drink it ice cold (if you dont have tooth problems) and refill EVERY TIME IT GETS EMPTY… or it will just sit there until it ends up being left behind every day and forgotten for weeks.

emoticon 4. Get enough sleep. Make your bedroom into a heavenly cloud of peace and beauty and nurturing solace and a haven from the craziness of the world. Dont use your bed as a place to play with electronics- especially right before you go to bed. Did you know that if you spend time with technology before bed, it hampers the ability of your brain to turn off, which then makes you sit back up, re-open your laptop and continue surfing til 4 am? Its a vicious self-injuring cycle.

READ A BOOK or listen to music. Start dimming the lights (or switch to a lamp instead of the overhead light) and leaving behind technology about an hour before bed to send secret messages to your brain to start calming down.

emoticon 5. Wash your workout clothes. Just do this do you have no excuse tomorrow.

emoticon 6. Repeat: Grab a new pipe cleaner and redo your spark page. If a cycle is dulling, make a different one.

ALL OF THE POWER IS ENTIRELY YOURS.

emoticon Things that break or kink up your pipe cleaner plan emoticon

emoticon 1. Saying “I have to go to the gym everyday” if you don’t already go several times a week. You cant go from 5% to 100% in a snap resolution. You must build so you can teach your body with love to adjust to your new lifestyle. You cant just tell your child, YO KID FROM NOW ON YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AT NIGHT AND SLEEP ALL DAY. AND NONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE GOING TO GO WITH YOU. wtf. NO.

Start by saying something like, I have to work out twenty minutes every day. THAT IS DOABLE. That’s like telling your kid, ok starting tomorrow, we are going to leave 10 minutes earlier for school ok? It may mean you have to wake up slightly earlier. BUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE SHAPE OF YOUR BODY OR DO YOU WANT TO LAY ON YOUR BED FOR 10 MINUTES?

If you really truly actually want to change, and are ready to change… stop finding the best excuse not to. Is changing yourself worth 10 minutes in the morning and 10 at night? No? Ok, I guess you really dont want it. Bye.

emoticon 2. Refusing to forgive yourself. If you miss a day, and you punish yourself by giving up because there is no way to fix a broken streak… then you want to be a failure because you didnt fail until you decided you did. Missing a streak or having a binge day does NOT cancel out all the other days when you did the right thing. So effing what. that was yesterday. BE GLAD YOU EVEN HAVE A TODAY.

emoticon 3. Lying to yourself. Saying you worked out longer or did more reps than you did or not tracking that cake batter bowl that you licked clean is LYING to yourself. Why would you do that to yourself? Why be mean like that? What does it gain you? Guilt? Regression? Denial? NOT SEXY YO.

Here is why you want to track those things properly. If you look back at your results in six months and cant figure out why you can still only do 25 pushups.. because you forgot you were lying at the beginning and could only do 10… then how are you able to measure your progress.

emoticon Compete against your former self always.
emoticon Beat your own actual PR.
emoticon Be proud of your clean eating so you know its ok to have sweets when you do.
emoticon Track those sweets.
emoticon Evolve into a stronger healthier individual.
emoticon NO CHEATING BY LYING.

I swear to you that being honest with yourself is not only ok… but its the only way to win.

So take your new shiny 2012 pipe cleaner plan, and change from some boring medical apparatus into an adorable, completely unique, fun colorful expression of your personality.



Deal?

(feel free to share this with anyone you think may benefit, as it is not about anything personal Im dealing with :) )

Too Awesome and Twelve

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

emoticon before I strt- I really really truly want to thank the girls at believe-toachieve.tumblr
.com for keeping me inspired all year- I will be using their graphics in this blog- and also thank you the guy credited in the watermark on this pic:


(o hai awesome girl!)



emoticon 1. UPDATE BUCKET LIST

emoticon TIMES SQ NEW YEARS EVE
emoticon DIE ON A ROCKWALL
emoticon SING ON STAGE
emoticon NAIL A FRONTMAN
emoticon RUN A HALF MARATHON 4 WEEKENDS IN ONE MONTH
emoticon RUN A FULL MARATHON
emoticon RUN A SUB-8 MINUTE MILE
emoticon GET INTO SIZE 6 JEANS
emoticon GROW MY HAIR TO MY WAIST
emoticon GO TO EUROPE AGAIN
emoticon HAVE A 25 INCH WAIST
emoticon MASS CIRCULATION OF A PHOTO (3 PHOTOS WOO!)
emoticon BIKINI HANDSTAND ON THE BEACH
emoticon TOUGH MUDDER
emoticon WARRIOR DASH
emoticon ANY RACE
emoticon HIKE THE GRAND CANYON RIM TO RIM
emoticon HIKE MACHU PICCHU
emoticon SHOOT THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD - ALL OF THEM
emoticon BE AN EXTRA IN A MOVIE
emoticon HAVE SEX IN PUBLIC
emoticon CARVE MY NAME IN THE WALL AT CBGB’S (the original)
emoticon ROADTRIP ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH BFF
emoticon GO TO CALIFORNIA/ WEST COAST
emoticon SHOOT A MAJOR LABEL BAND (thanks Saliva!)
emoticon ASSAULT AN A-LIST CELEBRITY ( ove you Alec! Im sorry!)
emoticon SHOOT FASHION WEEK
emoticon TAKE PICTURES OF AN A-LIST CELEBRITY (ty Gwen!)
emoticon SHOOT ONE OF THE BANDS THAT I WAS OBSESSED WITH WHEN I WAS 16 
emoticon SHOOT GROUND ZERO AND THE PROGRESS OF THE NEW WTC
emoticon VISIT THE 9/11 MEMORIAL
emoticon RUN FROM 1 END OF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE TO THE OTHER W/OUT STOPPIN
emoticon BUILD A SNOWMAN TALLER THAN ME
emoticon RUN FROM MY HOUSE TO CENTRAL PARK
emoticon RUN A CIRCUIT OF CENTRAL PARK IN JUSTA SPORTS BRA AND CAPRIS
emoticon BE IN THE NEWSPAPER FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN BAND PROMOS emoticon TELL A BOY I LOVE HIM



emoticon 2. DECIDE NEW YEAR’S EVOLUTIONS

Now, yall know I dont do reslutions cause those create feelings of guilt and failure to me more than motivation- instead of I pic things that I want to evolve towards being able to do- things I want to turn into more realistic goals.

Instead of saying, I wanna leave the country again!!!!!!!! omgwtfbbq!!!!!!!!!! - I say- I want to put away $20 a month toward a big vacation in 2014 or something.

But that’s not one of them, cause Im financially surviving day to day here.

so here goes!



emoticon I want to feel stronger, braver and more confident- so I want to spend this year getting good at things that once seemed impossible to me.
-rockwalls
-rollerblading
-rock scene navigation
-running distances
-boxing

emoticon I want to feel beautiful. So I want to spend this year
-caring for my teeth, skin, nails and hair
-developing my personal style with clothing I feel comfortable in, that fits correctly
-finding the silver lining, because smiling is THE MOST beautiful thing

emoticon I must find a way to stop taking my reality for granted- so I need to spend time this year
-looking at my life from the outside an honing my perception skills
-nipping negative behavior in the bud by looking at where I was 5 years ago
-finding a blue marble to keep in my pocket (still have not found one) to remind me that its ok to be shiny

emoticon Get better about my budget- first by increasing my budget- finding a weekend job to supplement my income until I have the balls to charge for photography.



emoticon 2012 fitness goals emoticon

emoticon WALK/RUN/JOG 1000 MILES
emoticon LOSE 20 POUNDS
emoticon BOX JOSHUA (possibly for youtube LMAO)
emoticon GET JEN RUNNING
emoticon PARTICIPATE IN A RAC…

sorry, I choked on that one.

emoticon TAKE A KICKBOXING CLASS
emoticon BE ABLE TO DO 100 SQUATS
emoticon MAKE IT TO THE TOP OF A ROCKWALL
emoticon BIKINI HANDSTAND (STILL)
emoticon ***GET MY AB TO SHOW THROUGH MY TUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!***



What are some of YOUR evolutionary goals?

dont care if it makes me uncool, im buying into the HYPE

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

*repost from last yea- cause I need it*

In approximately 24 to 72 hours from now, the gyms will be flooded with New Year’s Resolutionaries stealing our treadmills and stair climbers and sweating on the weight benches and crowding our streets and buying all the protein bars and shouldering you out of crowded gym locker rooms.

But… who was here first?

Everyone say it with me now…

IT DOESNT MATTER

Let’s steal all these newbie’s motivation. It’s ok, it grows back.

Before you launch into an uproar over sabotaging the newly committed (whether they stick around for the long haul or never come back after Monday) let me clarify that that is not what I am talking about.

The whole country, and probably loads of other countries, are gearing up for the big Jan 1 Exercise and Diet Launch. It happens every year, some of us may even have once been part of that wave. Suddenly 19 gazillion people want to lose weight, get fit, skinny up, slim down, pump iron, run a mara or just are tired of being overweight and *THIS* is the year they are going to make it happen for themselves.

In turn, the TV is flooded with all kinds of new workouts and gizmos, the gyms are having sales left and right and waiving registration fees and giving you good specials on classes and premium features. Everyone is out walking. Everyone is heading to the gym. Everyone is skipping the junk food aisle and spending a little more time in the produce section.

So what do the rest of usually do this time of year?

Sneer.

Oh yeah I said it, you’re busted, so I am, but mostly you LOL

Why do we sneer? Cause we were here first? What are we? 8? Is it because we are pretty sure they dont mean it and even though they are here at the gym this week, we *KNOW* that they wont be next week? Cause they act like they know everything and are old pros and we know they just pulled the tags off their shiny new workout clothes?

SO WHAT

LEAVE THEM ALONE

instead… why dont we take a few cues from them… (like literally steal them)(jk) Let’s ride this wave for all its worth and when it dies off… well then we’ll find new motivation somewhere else- but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

emoticon Aren’t shiny new workout clothes fun? Dont they make ya wanna go to the gym or workout?

emoticon Isn’t it easier to do things when you are following a crowd instead of struggling as the only one who cares?

emoticon If you cant get on the trusty old treadmill, won’t it force you to step outside your comfort zone and discover new areas of the gym? Ain’t that how plateaus are broken? (*gasp* yeah… i totally just scienced you)

emoticon Isn’t that raring, ready to go, balls to the wall, unstoppable resolve of theirs contagious?

emoticon isn’t this our chance to be the student becoming the teacher? Don’t we now have a wealth of advice to stand up to knowitalls or to help lost wandering newbs?

emoticon Isnt a fresh start simply that? refreshing?

I’m going to jump on the bandwagon of New Year’s Resolutionaries and see if they can be my tugboat til I can pull my motivation back together.

I haven’t been exercising much- my daily walks have been kapoot since the blizzard - sorry- cant power walk on black ice, yall. My eating has improved but I still saw a gain recently and Im going to have to stand up and show myself that I’m boss.

But for now, I may wallow for 24 hours. And on January 1, when my gym membership kicks back in, I’ll be there with bells on alongside the rest of the bright eyed and bushy tailed participants in the movement of all that is new and exciting and filled with hope and the promise of results.

And I really dont care if that makes me an uncool sell-out traitor… cause uh… Imma be losin weight yo

Times Square - New Years Eve Recap

emoticon Friday Night - “Hoboken No Jokin”

outfit:


Jen and I ran to the Bowling Green and caught the PATH to HOBOKEN and trekked over a mile along the waterfront, in beautiful dry 50 degree weather, lovinnnnnnnnnn the view of the skyline, especially after just coming FROM the World Trade Center, which now SUPERdwarfs the Empire State Building.

view:

(picture by MYSELF but if you think im putting first/last names, you are quite naive about internet safety)

We walked through the very strange alternate universe of Hoboken, through gorgeous brownstones and walkups that made my mouth water… seriously, some were such gothic estates, I was amdly in love and almost forsook NYC for NJ in a heartbeat.

But then we got to Maxwells and had an AMAZING show, during which Joshua handed me the mic *heart* although, in this picture, it looks more like Im making out with Tim No 37 more than singing along with the guys :)


^picture credi tto Sonya Hanafi

After the show, we all got ishfaced and made a caravan back across (under) the Hudson River, then the East River (over), back to the burg (through the woods), where we went on a 2 am run for coffee, redbull, beer, brooklyn wraps, mountain dew and Jameo in painful shoes and involved a couple of the girls (not mahself) peeing illegally lololol (PEE ME A RIVER)

Then the band got back from unloading their gear and we had a slumber party. HIGH FIVE.
Great way to start new years eve.

As a sidenote, TIm No 37 says, if you’re a gay metal fan in NYC, come out of the closet and you’ll get this for NYE:



Nightly walk mileage total: 4.7 miles

emoticon Saturday: The NYE Triathlon (not an actual triathlon)

Woke up around 9 am, laid out on the deck with Joshua and Jen, soaking up some extremely unseasonal clear skies and hot sunshine! Ordered brunch a la couch and pigged out with everyone, laughing about the hilarity that ensued the night before, such as Peter rolling down 10th street, Joshua peeing on a curb for almost 6 minutes, the two girls wearing so much makeup and feathers and SoCo on their outfits that they were just… ANYWAY…

Then Jen and I took a short graffiti walk through Bushwick:






Then we took the N back over the Manhattan Bridge to get ready for Times Square and caught an amazing sunset:




Next we take the train to 7th Ave/53rd Street just north of Times Square and decide to brave the crowds by sneaking in from the north mostly down 7th, and then via 6th before cutting into the bowtie. Let me illustrate:



Now, the ball was blocked from our view because of the ESPN building, but we were able to see it reflected in the other buildings- so Im cool with that. It took us about an hour to get from my apartment in Brooklyn, to the front of the police barricades by 11:10 or so. I took out my camera when it was less than insane, because I had no intention of taking it out later. I originally planned to take it out in the insanity- but not til next year when I can be more prepared and its not a last minute I WONDER I COULD DO THIS O_O thing.

pictures of the walk up until we got to 42nd and 6th:









^ Empire State Building from Bryant Park





^ crowds coming from the East, Bryant Park side



^ getting close!



^from now on everything looks like this

because it was like this: (from Jersey North Shore News)


except for the ball dropping


(^ reflection)






and our proud asses at the very front of the police barricades (horns up)



Then there was screaming and fireworks and confetti and we made a mad dash for the D train in Bryant Park to escape the stampedes and get back to Brooklyn for part deux de la nuit.

Fast forward 45 minutes and a 10 degree temperature drop and Jen and I are changing from jeans/tshirts/sneakers to LBDs/twinkly jewelry and pumps in the middle of 58th and 4th Ave to get to the Haven’s Black & White Ball for champagne and dancing to meet my French boy.

HIGH FIVE for NYE with Jen.

Day’s Walk Mileage Total: 8.2 mi

emoticon Sunday: Woke up at 3pm after enjoying our sleep-in and diner dinner and kisses and quickies a bit too much before French boy and I brave Best Buy and Target on NY’s Day to get hime a laptop just in time for closing. Then I run to Jen’s for homemade gumbo a la her MOST AWESOME ROOMMATE (Iron Chef Soux chef Kate- soon to be on Bravo)



OM-NOMMITY-NOM. Then I ran all the way back to the french boy’s house to sleep there.

Day’s Walk Mileage Total: 3 miles

emoticon Monday: ugh

8:37 am Got dumped MID-gardening session because apparently the mere sight of me naked after 10 dates is just too horrible to stand any longer because it makes his gardening tools soft. FINE.

emoticon Monday: REDO!

called Peter and and headed straight to the band’s apartment for beers and movies and louging away until I had to get up to go to work, which was much nicer than playing translator for le douche.

sad; new body issues; whaddyagonnado?

It couldnt dampen the rest of a phenomenal NYE weekend and THAT is why it is by farrrrrrrrrrrr my favorite holiday.

Day’s Walk Mileage Total: 5.5 

Weekend Total Mileage: about 20-22 miles
Weekend Total Cost: $11.12 sht you not.

Alter-Ego Saviors and the BIGGEST BANG Theory

Friday, December 30, 2011

Oh its the MOST wonderful time… of the year.

NYE is my fave holiday :) Didja know that? Probably- i mean it makes sense, what’s shinier than New Year’s Eve?

I can think f one thing.

Times Square on NYE. Much shinier.

First though, I would like to say something.

Everytime I say Im overwhelmed, or sad, or wanting to hide- dozens and dozens of you come out of the woodwork to hater bash. Please see that I stopped complaining about haters a long time ago. When I say, ‘my role on SP’ -which is the role of a popular blog award winning motivator- this has nothing to do with haters. When I say, I wish I could hide or hibernate- this is not about haters bothering me- this is my real life shyness injecting itself into my online persona- because BRI is who I am. Yoovie is just who I sign in with the face that I use to interact with the world out there.

Yoovie comes up with amazing ideas and goes balls to the wall all the time and is just a giant gas giant of illegal fireworks going off. I need her to keep Bri from slipping into nothingness.

Bri stands against the sidelines at concerts and parties. She smiles and nods and clinks glasses. She stands in the front row when the bands go on stage and sings her heart out because she knows every word and the guys on stage are her little bothers. Because the crowd behind her filled with people that dont know her, scares the confetti out of her.

Yoovie is the part of my brain that makes Bri live.

Yoovie gets me to walk into the bedroom wearing nothing but a smile and a Viking Hat on the 2nd date.

Yoovie gets me to wear skimpy swatches of sequins and 4 inch heels.

Yoovie gets me to the best spot in the photographer’s pit.

Yoovie gets me to the Verrazano Bridge when Bri is convinced she’s ok with achieving nothing that day.

If it were up to Bri, I’d wear flannel pjs and have missionary gardening sans orgasms for the rest of my life. I’d wear sweatshirts and mom jeans to concerts and I’d slink along the back side of the photo pit and try not to bother anyone. I would never have started running.

Bri is shy as sht. She is socially awkward and most people dont get her sense of humor and that causes serious problems when the translation and tone dont carry through text. She’s always worried about stepping on toes and making sure everyone likes her. She is quick to give in and give up when people criticise her goals. Bri NEEDS yoovie.

So when you tell me that I know Im awesome, that I need to be slapped, that I would suffer without the attention I have probably gotten used to… you are assuming that the girl that walks around her house at 1 am, overthinking every aspect of her life and fighting against disappearing yet again and starting over elsewhere… is someone that you are such close friends with.. for so many years… that you can shout these things at her from the internet and she will take them as you mean for her to take them… since she also knows YOU so well.

Can you see my personal dilemma here, when Im writing myself into a frenzy all the time and people assume they know me because I write from the heart… but the catch is… Its not equal. You do not show me the same things I show you- I barely leave my page, I dont talk more than a few people, on occasion, on this entire website. Im terrified of most of you.

So slap me for compliment fishing, refusing to accept my popularity, complaining about my diamond shoes, pretending to dislike the attention or not being able to shrug off the invisible haters… and when you call me out on these things.. remember you are offering me this advise (in my head) as a stranger on the street that overheard a phone call I was on and shoved their two cents in.

Now sometimes I need 2 or 10 cents.
Sometimes your advice changes my life.
Sometimes it makes me cry.
Sometimes it makes me mad.
Sometimes it makes me ashamed.

But when you don’t read what I have actually written, and you assume its me ‘bitchin about haters again’ and throw the standard THEY JUS’ JEALOUS at me.. you can understand my O_o?? Assuming im ALWAYS talking about haters is crazy. I was told months ago to shut up and I DID. Its not ME that bitches about haters anymore. I put a sign on my page and shut up.

I changed my entire LEAVE ME ALONE about me section to something more informative and less isolationist.

I have somewhere to blog when I need to say more than I do in my blog here, but I dont like to because it feels like Im hiding those truths from myself.

I also stopped complaining about getting popular blog awards on my private embarassing humiliating tear filled blogs and instead just put a disclaimer on the ones I dont want to be voted for, made a cartoon and slapped it on my page.

So slap me. And then slap yourself. Cause pushing your views and needs on my alter-ego means only the real me can feel them. Not yoovie. Bri.

NEXT


newsbizarre.com/2009/12/
live-video-new-years-eve-2
010-times.html

Im about to undertake one of the greatest challenges Ive ever attempted in NYC.

Getting into Times Square for the ball drop.

I promised my little kid self when I was 16 that I would find a way to do it for her. Now Im going to be 4 miles from there and I see no reason why I should not take advantage of a dry as a bone, high 40s evening with no precipitation and a blueprinted plan and some Adderal and my BFF right there.


jgriffinstewart.com/blog
/2009_01_01_archive.html

This will be EPIC. If I can go out with the biggest bang ever, what a confidence boost to take my wallflower self into the next year from the mouth of the madness uner a METRIC TON of confetti listening to Pitbull, Gaga and Beiber.. I can do this.

Everyone says I cant handle it.
BUT I CAN.

And I will then be rewarded with a brand new deck of 365 and a kiss.

What will yo do with your brand new deck?


www.wellandgoodnyc.com/2
010/12/22/how-to-spend-new
-years-eve-and-day-the-nam
aste-way/

Happy New Year! Let’s evolve in 12!!!!!!!!

Kissmas

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

At noon on Christmas Eve, I woke up to kisses and sunshine streaming in through the windows, glowing happy, tangled in sheets and trying my best to stay warm, even though the sun was brilliant outside.

I got espresso in bed and lounged around in my forest green thigh high cable knit socks and my Santa hat.

I tripped and stumbled over my french and was very thankful that my facial expressions, hand gestures and my quirky ability to have an entire thesaurus (pretty much) memorized in my head- could get me through our communication barrier… along with the 5 years of French I effectively forgot from my childhood (at least alI know all the question words).

Ive been finding that, with us not speaking the same languages fluently, there’s no risk for rambling or talking about silly girly nonsense that men hate… because it takes a lot to share information, so you dont want to waste the effort until you are sure of what you want to say and how you want to say it. So you THINK alot more about what you are communicating to someone else, and you tend to talk about much more intellectual things, and I missed that.

But I love most that when we are together, he seems to be completely infatuated with me and hanging on my every word and not moving his eyes from my face… and me… well, I forget there even IS an outside world. And nevermind that we fall asleep kissing. Or that I wake up at 5 am ready to jet home and he will have none of it.

(How do you explain to someone what it mean to spoil a woman? Apparently that’s not something they’ve heard of in Paris)

Eventually we rejoined the waking world and went out for breakfast. Cantaloupe, honey dew melon, croissants, coffee… soooooo nice to enjoy sexy breakfast WITH someone that gets it.

So there… I kissed and told more than I probably ever have on my blog.

Christmas morning, *I* cooked breakfast, this time with all my housemates and Jen too. I made toast with berry compote (using cinnamon instead of sugar), strawberry kiwi salad, bacon, biscuits, the worlds fluffiest eggs and orange juice and vodka and coffee and baileys.








^ our little LSU Mouse treetopper angel type critter *heart*


^people & light watching with Jen on Christmas Eve

^yes dessert on Christmas, it actually looks WAY bigger than it was, a couple inches of cake, half a cup of Oreo ice-cream and a piece of chocolate graham cracker.

Now to get ready for the giant 442 famous new years bash on saturday!
We are going to spend the week purging the house and making room and decorating and digging out all the alcohol we have lying around the house.

Maybe this year I will finally get a NYE kiss, but if not, at least I’ll have champagne :D

How was your holiday?!!?

look ma im on the internet

Thursday, December 22, 2011



^ Me (in my shiny dress) and Peter at the benefit (you can see me around 2:02)

youtu.be/AON2l5mG3nU

This is the information about Hate the Hate and its origins told by Tim himself. Anyone that’s been asking for info on this movement- here ya go babes

I doublechecked the link, it works unless your computer has youtube blocked.

Investing in Your Ultimate Body NOW (not by diet and exercise)

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Thursday, December 22, 2011

There are other things we need to do for our bodies to help them work and look their best, and much of that has to be done BEFORE we get to that magic number on the scale or fit into those jeans staple-gunned to your bedroom wall.

We all know how to slowly clean out and simplify our diet. Slowly replace certain things with healthier alternatives, try new foods so we have more healthy opions available to us, wean ourselves off the extra hellacious things and cultivate our love for things that do good for our system. Learn to hate Coke, grow to love green tea. etc etc etc your kitchen cabinets become the NFL draft… sorry lil debbie, you lose this year.

We all know how to slowly integrate more and more physical activity into our lives. Go for a walk in the evening and call it stress relief. Squeeze in some wall squats during your bathroom break to help build an ass from scratch. Take a walk around the building a couple times in the afternoon to wake up your brain and raise your heart rate. Less couch, more vertical… we know how it goes.

We keep doing these things and eventually… dun dun dun magic number!

Now… there are other things you have to think about before you reach that goal number and the sooner you start paying attention to those things, the better you will be when you do start seriously shrinking and these things have absolutely nothing to do with breaking a sweat or skipping out on fried chicken.

True story, bro.

emoticon 1. Your skin.

This, in my opinion, is by far the most important secondary priority. We understand that our bodies will shrink if we do all this stuff right. But HELLO, your skin… do we expect it to just shrink up tightly around our solid insides and hold everything in like Spanx?

Your skin is badass… but its not at badass as Spanx… because its an organic tissue. Organic tissues dont just snap back in any way. They can slowly, over time, with help, regain some of their elasticity and shrink around your solid form, but not with each pound you lose. OH NO… not at all. With each pound you lose, your skin is that slight bit more loose.

Think forward 50 pounds… think of the skin on your boobs. Think of your neck and your thighs and your butt and your arms and… oh the greatest horror of all… your tum. You’ve just spent 3 years sweating at the gym to get a six pack, and there’s a flap of skin hanging between your belly button and the top of your Batman underoos…. Congratulations on your weight loss.

HOW DO WE STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING????


(chemistdirect.co.uk)

^This, is your new best friend. You can also choose one that’s more expensive and snobby if you’d like, but so far, I have found this one to be the best. Its about $7.50 at Duane Reade.

Cocoa Butter, Shea Butter, Collagen, Elastin and Vitamin E… everything that doctor’s tell pregnant ladies to slather their tummies with, is extremely important. You want to shink? You want your skin to shrink too? Then you have to moisturize it, especially the problem areas I just mentioned, TWICE A DAY. It puts the stuff inside your skin that LETS your skin shrink, instead of just hanging there because there is no longer anything to fill it. Keep doing it twice a day and it will get tighter and tighter and tighter.

Don’t care about having skin flaps? fine, don’t moisturize.

I have combined this ‘investing in the future of my skin’ into my exercise routines to ensure that I also stretch. I do my workout, I jump in the shower, I come back in my room, climb into a tub of cocoa butter (this stuff I mentioned above, is a thinner blend so less likely to cause breakouts) and then massage it into my sore muscles before sliding to the floor to spend 15-20 minutes having naked stretch time.

If looking good in clothing is important to you, awesome… stick to losing weight via diet.
If looking good in clothing AND naked is important to you… lose weight via diet AND toning exercises (ST) AND INVEST IN YOUR SKIN.

emoticon 2. Your Public Statement.

Recognise that eventually, you are not going to wanna be wearing XL Old Navy fleece lounge pants and that tweety bird t-shirt every weekend. If any part of the reason you are working hard is to shape your body into an outward representation of who you are on the inside: personality, badassedness and individuality…. youre gonna have to let go of the frumptyfrump eventually.

Do you have any idea what your style is gonna be like? Do you even know what kind of things you like, fashionwise?

Look, you can scream at me until youre blue in the face that superficial things like what you wear, DONT MATTER… but I will give you a long valid rebuttal which includes the psychology of job interviews, dress codes, first dates, first impressions, professionalism and appropriateness of attire. If you’re the kind of ‘mother of the bride’ that is fine with wearing jogging pants to her daughter’s wedding because fashion is stupid, that’s your business. You don’t have to agree with me. Or your daughter.

You may be happy to walk into a store at this point and simply be glad to find something in a color you really like that is your size that doesnt have shoulder pads. But when you’re smaller than you are now, aren’t you looking forward to be able to actually shop and show off your class?

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that if you want to go after your dream job, you can walk into your interview prepared with everything you already have in your brain that qualifies you… but without your frumpy appearance blinding your interviewer, and instead LOOK THE PART? Wouldn’t it be great to go out for your anniversary in something besides a patternless flowing tunic and elastic waistbanded pants… telling yourself you’ll just make it look dressy by wearing jewelry and a pretty bag? How about the family Christmas picture? You want to stand behind grandma in the biggest shapeless-est black sweater EVER?

I like to lay on the floor and do those stupid backwards leg thrusts while reading through fashion magazines. I do this so Im constantly getting ideas of what kind of fabrics, cuts and accessories will show off my personality and new shape. I’ve been creating an online portfolio of all the fashion I love for a very long time now and i always visit it before i decide to purchase something ( goal-outfit.tumbl
r.com )… so that when I reach my size 6… I won’t be standing in Macy’s like… uhhhhhhhhhhh tshirts uhhhhhhh

Sometimes, thinkin about ‘stupid’ stuff like this.. can actually help you get lost in your treadmill workout, or help you walk past the tin of holiday cookies that your roommate so cruelly left in the middle of the coffeetable.

Learning your style also helps with your self-esteem by encouraging you to EMBRACE your INDIVIDUALITY and CREATIVELY EXPRESS YOURSELF. It stops the generic at your green shoelaces or your signature fingerless gloves or the jeans you embroidered your initials on.

Dont use your clothing as one more way to ensure that no one will ever see you.

You going to work so hard for a body only for noble and health-related reasons and refuse to have fun playing with it? Thats fine, just dont judge those of us that worked so hard for our bodies and decide to have fun with them as well.

You want something to move you forward towards that body today? Start simply taking note of the style of people around you and start slowly creating your own fashion bank in your head.

emoticon 3. Posture.

PRACTICE STANDING UP STRAIGHT. You need to strengthen your back and learn to carry yourself with pride. If you’re going to be working your ass off, literally, to ignite the evolution of you, you don’t want the world to see your hunched over self slinking along the sidelines as though you were still so embarrassed to be seen. Dont hide now. So you wont hide later.

Own the pride of accomplishment every step of the way.

People always say, my self included on occasion, FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT… well I say… PRACTICE TIL ITS REAL.

I know I never wanted anyone to say… ugh that cocky bitch, ever since she lost weight, she walks around with her nose in the air. OH HELL NO. I would rather people saw me as someone who always stood tall and walked with confidence, regardless of my weight or if I was ever brave enough to speak to anyone.

That way, whether Im all dressed up in a cute outfit I planned from all the pieces laying on my floor… or Im pacing my bedroom naked while chatting with my lover… I, and the people around me, will see that I OWN MY BODY…

What other ways are you investing in your future body, that do not include diet and exercise?

emoticon get measured for a bra
emoticon use sunscreen
emoticon practice positive self-talk
emoticon give your face skin what it needs as you get older BEFORE it gets older

Remembering Why Im a Badass - 2011 Adventures Tally

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

from my AB team & mamalittle:

emoticon My 2011 Bragging Rights emoticon

emoticon Fitness:
pounds lost: 5 (did not realise I was at 179 on 1/1/11)
sizes lost: 2 
Inches lost: 12 
Bra cup sizes lost: 1 (D to C)
17204 Fitness minutes (which is an average of 47 minutes per day)
Ran/walked/strolled 973.7 miles
158 popular blog awards
8 half marathon distance runs (not races)
I beat my body against a rock wall with Joshua for my bday and got addicted

emoticon Work/Life:
emoticon promotion
emoticon bigger office in the executive wing with ace coworker (despite no raise)
emoticon Shot 12 bands and 16 shows
emoticon Had 11 photos published in various media including a guitar endorsement for Paul Reed Smith Guitars on their website.
emoticon And the promo shots for sold out shows at the famous Irving Plaza, Webster Hall, Sullivan Hall, Tammany Hall, Highline Ballroom and Gramercy Theater.
emoticon And was IN THE THICK OF IT for two sophomore CD release parties, one of which I did the cover art for and got my name credited with the track listing.
emoticon I got to attend the last rock show at Crash Mansion EVER
emoticon I carved my name in the wall at old CBGBs
emoticon spent my birthday weekend/9/11 on a yacht trip around manhattan island taking amazing pictures
emoticon I had 20 first dates, 9 second dates and 5 third dates
emoticon I learned the G line, the D line, the J line, the M line and the Q line and now getting around the city is way easier
emoticon I spent Memorial Day at a bbq on long island like youre supposed to
emoticon I spent the fourth of July and the entire summer in a bikini in Far Rockaway
 emoticonI spent Veteran’s Day taking pictures in GreenWood Cemetery of the graves from the battle of Brooklyn
emoticon I spent Labor Day weekend grilling burgers and watching football.
emoticon My college football team is undefeated and warming up for the BCS-SEC smackDOWN!!!!
emoticon I got to roadtrip and go to Fright Fest Dead and Local Halloween concert at six flags with my adopted family
emoticon I shot the band Saliva and then ended up consoling the lead guitarist when his girl dumped him right after thanksgiving
emoticon I shouldered Alec Baldwin getting out of a towncar at Madison Square Garden so i could catch my train to the Jersey wilderness
emoticon I shot Mercedes Benz Fashion Week in Lincoln Center from the photographer’s pit at the runway behind Vogue and Bazaar photogs for several of my favorite designers
emoticon Including Gwen Stefani and Vivienne Tam, both whom I was able to meet and photograph
emoticon I was able to shoot the progess of the new World Trade Center as well as Occupy Wall Street, both of which will become part of history.
emoticon I got to shoot pictures across eastern America as I roadtripped from bon temps to brooklyn
emoticon I took a chance on dating again and did the hold hands, have emotions BS risk, and lost
emoticon But I stood up for myself and walked away when someone couldnt give me the bare minimum of what I needed, much less wanted.
emoticon I had the first tests of my friendship with Joshua and we lived through it and know each other much more, and know we can weather the storms.
emoticon I moved Jen to NYC.
emoticon I went through hell this past summer and still havent bailed on this life and started new and anonymous elsewhere
emoticon This is the longest I have lived in one place since I moved out of my parents house
emoticon I wore an itsy bitsy teeny tiny sparkly dress on 3 occasions,The August Infinity’s CD Release at Irving Plaza, the Scarlet Carson CD Release at Starland Ballroom and the Hate the Hate Benefit Concert (a charity event created by a dear friend of mine, for a cause I hold dear as well) at Sullivan Hall.
emoticon Sat on the jetty at night on Coney Island and watched the fireworks from the ocean
emoticon upheld our end of summer tradition of swimming out past the breakers, and watch the world die
emoticon I was able to see my parents for the last time and tell them goodbye
emoticon I made countless breakthroughs in my own mental blocks
emoticon I was able to tell a boy that I was crazy about that I couldnt see him ever again because I found out he had a girlfriend, and that took more self-respect than I had
emoticon I went to a Cyclones game and we won
emoticon I got to see Incubus with my best friend on Jones Beach for my birthday!!!
emoticon I learned Brooklyn soooooo much better
emoticon I dated a lawyer/pilot and a super cop, and now a French boy straight off the boat whom I now fall asleep kissing at night
emoticon I built an 8 foot snowman with Tom, and my dear friends got engaged in the snow and lights beside it on New Year’s Eve
emoticon Our Halloween decorations were featured in the New York post (OWEN BONEMAN SHOUTOUT!!!)
emoticonI made it to 42nd and 6thin time for the ball drop in Times Square on NYE!
emoticon I survived the Great NY Blizzard of 2011, the Great NY Earthquake of 2011 and the Great NY Hurricane of 2011 and HEATPOCALYPSE NY 2011…
and
emoticon I get laid an average of 3 weekends per month.

Your turn, biznatches, BRAG TIME. no humility allowed

I reserve the right to update this as the holidays get closer.

Sweat

Tuesday, December 20, 2011



I keep stopping believing.
Exercise has failed me and I punish it by no longer giving it effort.
Oh I do it.
I exercise a minimum of a half hour every damn day of my life.
Im about to cross 700 fitness minutes for December.
I dunno I have to check my ticker.
I drink 3-4 bottles of water a day.
I eat 8-10 servings of freggies per day.
My meals are all colors of the rainbow and at least 60% of my plate is vegetabley.
I consistently walk AT LEAST - Im talking laziest day of the year - 2 miles per day.
When I want fast food… I walk miles to the fast food place and THEN walk back.
I walk to the grocery store and tote all my healthy eats home in a canvas bag.
I dont drink soda.
I dont eat more than 10 servings of bread per MONTH, and those are usually an everything bagel.
I drink about 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks per month, even when they are all in the same night on occasion.
I can run up to 14 miles in a day before dying.
I can run straight up hills.
I can last hours on top during sex if he can hang on that long.
I can do 3000 ab exercise reps in one weekend.
I can do 100 pushups.

my point is…

IM MY PROBLEM. IM MY SOLUTION.

I don’t like that. It means its all on me. Because I sit here and I justify my position by listing all that stuff up there when I know that there is one very very crucial thing that I am missing.

I don’t sweat anymore.

I shrug and say, who effing cares, its not like its gonna help anything.

I maintain a certain level of activity in my life so I wont gain any weight, so who cares.



I have what it takes but refuse to expend that amount of effort into an activity that I feel continues to let me down.

This plateau is starting to make me superiorly ANGRY.

I know that losing 25 pounds is going to be the hardest physical challenge that I have faced since 4 years of PT.

Think Im exaggerating? just a little? IM NOT

The closer you are to your goal weight, the harder it is to shed pounds. Sometimes Im so jealous of people that weigh over 250 pounds, and especially people closer to 350 pounds, because they can lose weight in CHUNKS! I can lose weight in farts and sighs only.

Why is this the hardest physical challenge Im up against when I already lost 90 (ok 87) pounds?

Because it means that everything Im doing is not enough.
Because it means I have to stop being angry at exercise for failing me and start forgiving me for failing myself.
Because working up a sweat in my bedroom by doing jumping jacks and pushups and crunches stopped being sexy to me.
It seems like pointless pain :(
It requires discipline and harder work.
I wanted more results for my effort than I got :(

There is a price I have to pay to get what I want, and that price is steep.
Too steep. Too high. Too much. Too hard.

These are the things that people say when they don’t really want something as bad as they say they do.

Im indifferent towards working out lately.
When I do it all the time I crave it and need it and now I do the bare minium (for my lifestyle, whioch is a lot more than most peoples’ lifestyles) and just don’t give a.



If you tell me “You can’t” then Im like, oh ok, then I wont waste my time and energy.
If you tell me “You shouldn’t” then Im like.. well youre obviously stupid.
If you tell me “You won’t” then Im like well, I still dont understand why you’re involved at all anyway, so that doesnt matter.

Im an introvert. Itshard for for introverts to get motivation from the outside world when all of our energy and emotion and mood and drive come from our own skeleton and soul. We put energy out into the universe for the extroverts to live off of.

So I can’t get motivated fom anyone else.
I know I want what I want, but for awhile now, I havent wanted it because ________________.

^ insert reason I do not understand.

It doesn’t matter if I dont understand why I dont want this lately.
It doesn’t matter if I understand every crack brained idea that pops into my head and screams at me throughout the day.
It doesn’t matter because of the big picture.

The big picture lives outside the reign of my brain.
The big picture isnt about whats clogging my motivation TODAY.
The big picture has nothing to do with the little whys and details and failures.
The big picture isntabout my brain holding on to weight because Im scared of success or because I am terrified of unwanted attention, etc.

The big picture is that I quit sweating.
The big picture is that I DO want this, regardless of the up and downs in my daily intensity of that want.
The big picture is that Im the problem and the solution.
The big picture is that JUST DO IT.

I dont want to :( I dont want to slave away in my bedroom while roommate eats a 4487 calorie dinner.

I dont want to sweat for no reason.

Oh wait… it just hit me.

The big picture is that my heart got broken by someone who was in worse shape than I was and now I dont feel like Im worth the effort and I just want to hibernate and come back out in the summer when I can be slutty and half naked all the time and be around friends… instead of all by myself just in time for christmas when I just learned that it doesnt even matter what I look like, Im still disposable.

I dated a jerk who told me constantly that I wasnt doing anything with my life, that the things I was working hard for meant nothing and that Im all talk and no action. I started dating him in October of 2010 for a couple painfully long months and I allowed his opinion of me to sink in because he came from the world where my parents lived. I shouldnt have allowed his words to leave such a mark on me. And he was a fat, lazy, college drop out who whined about never getting anything he wanted and never put any effort into.

My plateau started when I started dating him.

I know all you bitches are shaking your head at me telling me that I put too much worth on what a man thinks of me… but seriously… how many of you let your husband’s likes and dislikes rule your kitchen and your activities?

I can stand up and at least decide that that asshole’s opinion of me will not dictate my workouts. He can affect myself-esteem, but not my workouts. What a jerk, how dare he interfere with my running.

Pkus, j’ai trouve un bel homme francais. Nous nous endormons embrasse et il me regarde dans le noir.

So.. I have to move on yet again. Le sigh. Time to le sweat.
What doesnt kill you makes you a fighter.

 

thank you to active-inspiration.tumblr.com and believe-toachieve.tumblr.com

HOW SWEET IT IS….??????????????

Tuesday, December 20, 2011


*pic from kaiodee.com

emoticon Please raise your hand if you measure out sugar and just eat it… crunch crunch crunch.

emoticon

emoticon Please raise your hand if you add sugar to your coffee, bake with it or have dessert a few times a week?

emoticon

emoticon Raise your hand if you think that eating a pile of plain sugar is better for you than eating a Snickers bar.

emoticon

emoticon Raise your hand if you know how much sugar the American Heart Association recommends daily, added sugar… not naturally occuring sugar.

5 tsp.

FIVE TEASPOONS.

Now, I go over that, I think. I probably have somewhere between 5 tsp and 2 tbsp of added sugar a day- between coffee and a snack, etc.

But I want to give you a breakdown, because there are a few people on SP that are going around offering a ‘tip’ that eating a cup or a half cup of sugar instead of a candy bar is so much better for you because pure sugar does not contain fat….

PLEASE… LET ME SQUASH THE BS OUT OF THIS “TIP”. (With the help of Dr William Coda Martin and William Dufty)

FIRST: THE NUTRITIONAL FACTS…

1 cup of sugar….
calories 774 
carbs 200 
ZERO nutritional value.

the challenger: Let’s use a standard sized Snickers bar…

calories 280 
fat 14 g
sodium 140 mg
potassium 184 mg
carbs 35 
protein 4g
fiber 1g
b-12 1.5%
b-6 2.6%
Vitamin E 4.3%
Copper 7.7%
Folate 4%
Iron 2%
Magnesium 10%
Manganese 10%
Niacin 10%
Phosphorus 11%
RIboflavin 4.4%
Selenium (cancer fighting!) 6.4%
Zinc 10%
(and other Im sure)

NOW….

If your point is that a cup of sugar has less already existing fat than a snickers, you are right.

If your point is that this makes it a healthier alternative, you are whacked.

Sugar is a food… but it is also A POISON which is why we can only have it in small doses.

emoticonelling words!

World English Dictionary:
poison (ˈpɔɪz ə n)
— n
1. any substance that can impair function, cause structural damage, or otherwise injure the body
2. something that destroys
3. a substance that retards a chemical reaction or destroys or inhibits the activity of a catalyst
— vb
10. to retard or stop by the action of a poison
11. to inhibit or destroy (the activity of a catalyst) by the action of a poison
Related: toxic

How is sugar a poison?

Well let’s see how overdosing on sugar can impair function, cause damage, injur the body, retard chemical reactions, inhibit catalysts and be overall TOXIC.

emoticon 1. It is a poison because it has been depleted of its life forces, vitamins and minerals (as I showed you above). All that’s left is pure cabs that your body CANNOT USE without the proteins, vitamins and minerals that were yanked out of it.

Every plant is supplied with all of these things because they are required for their own metabolism, without excess, a perfect balance. Without all this other stuff, these carbs turn into dangerous kinds of sugar, one kind accumulates in the brain and nervous system, anoher in red blood cells. This keeps the little red guys from getting the oxygen they need to just act normal, much less be able to get enough oxygen all over your body to exercise!!!! So… Poison #1- beginning of a degenerative disease

Nutritionists consider refined sugar to be a “lethal substance” because it provides only empty caloriesand none of the minerals which are present in the actual plant. The parts you need to process it, have been removed.

emoticon 2. On TOP of that: the digestion of sugar robs the body of the good vitamins and minerals it DOES have JUST trying to BREAK IT DOWN TO GET RID OF IT.
The “detoxification and elimination” of sugar wreaks havoc on your entire system.

“So essential is balance to our bodies that we have many ways to provide against the sudden shock of a heavy intake of sugar. Minerals such as sodium (from salt), potassium and magnesium (from vegetables), and calcium (from the bones) are mobilized and used in chemical transmutation; neutral acids are produced which attempt to return the acid-alkaline balance factor of the blood to a more normal state.”
SOURCE: www.globalhealingcenter.
com/sugar-problem/refined-
sugar-the-sweetest-poison-of-all

^ remember how all those things are in a Snickers bar… mhmmmm

Eating plain or “raw” sugar by itself leaves your body with an abundance of acid that just keeps growing and growing and effing up your fragile balance. At least when mixed or dilluted or dissolved in other foods, it has HELP being broken down. But making a habit of this means that your bodyhas to start pulling minerals from deep deep deep down inside of you to try to fix it. So its causing your body to destroy itself and lose all of its strongest structural support, just so you can soothe a pure sugar addiction. NOT NICE PEOPLE! THATS MEAN! MEAN TO YOUR BODY! VERY MEAN!

“Excess sugar eventually affects every organ in the body. Initially, it is stored in the liver. Since the liver’s capacity is limited, a daily intake of refined sugar (above the required amount of natural sugar) soon makes the liver EXPAND LIKE A BALLOON. When the liver is filled to its maximum capacity, the excess is returned to the blood in the form of fatty acids. These are taken to every part of the body and stored in the most inactive areas: THE BELLY, THE BUTTOCKS, THE BREASTS AND THE THIGHS.

When these comparatively harmless places are completely filled, fatty acids are THEN distributed among ACTIVE ORGANS, such as the HEART AD KIDNEYS. These begin to SLOW DOWN; finally their TISSUES DEGENERATE AND TURN TO ***FAT***. The whole body is affected by their reduced ability, and ABSNORMAL BLOOD PRESSURE is created. The parasympathetic nervous system is affected; and organs governed by it, such as the small BRAIN, become INACTIVE OR PARALYZED…..Too much sugar makes one sleepy; OUR ABILIT TO CALCULATE AND REMEMBER… IS LOST.”
(same source as above)

DONT even get me started on type 2 diabetes.

emoticon 3. Anything that causes withdrawal symptoms is obviously a poison. You might as well do drugs.

YES IM UPSET ABOUT THIS.

YES I THINK THAT PEOPLE WITH A POOR DIET ARE OBSESSED WITH FINDING LOOPHOLES THAT ALLOW THEM TO CONTINUE TO EAT LIKE UNSUPERVISED CHILDREN.

YES I THINK THAT IS EMBARRASSING.

YES I THINK WE ARE HERE BECAUSE WE ARE READY TO FACE THE UGLY TRUTH AND CHANGE OUR LIVES, NOT EXHAUST OURSELVES TRYING TO JUSTIFY WHAT WE DONT WANT TO CHANGE, NO MATTER HOW MUCH IT HURTS US.

If you want to cook your food in butter, baby go for it.
If you want bacon with breakfast, baby do your pig right, I know I do.
If you want to have a Snickers bar, baby get you one, but workout later k? lol
If you want to add sugar to your coffee, me too baby, 2 packets in my 16 ouncer, please.
If you want to sit down and measure out a pile of sugar to crunch on, baby stop that insanity…. its poison.