Get Off Your Ass Already: Beating The Workout Blahs

Boob Sweat

Get Off Your Ass Already: Beating The Workout Blahs

by Susan Lacke

You know how it is: On New Year’s Eve, tipsy with optimism and champagne, you gaze wide-eyed at the world, declaring this will be your year. You’ll finally join the gym, lose those 10 pounds, run a marathon and make Orlando Bloom fall in love with you.

These goals always get off to a great start, but by the end of January, you’re on the couch with a dusty gym pass, a dozen cupcakes and a restraining order from Orlando’s people. (P.S. – Not cool, Orlando. I really thought we had something special, baby.)

Where did it all go wrong? You started out so motivated, and now you’re feeling uninspired. Don’t be discouraged. Get your fitness goals back on track, STAT! Here’s how:

Get Some New Threads
Just because you’re sweating doesn’t mean you have to look dumpy. If you look like crap, then you’re going to feel like crap, and feeling like crap usually ends on the couch, not the elliptical machine. Purchase new athletic clothing that you feel good in and (this is key, people) actually wear it to work out.

My pick-me-up is buying new tights. Not only do they keep my legs warm during winter runs, they make me feel like a superhero! I sometimes wear them to the grocery store post-run to lift cars off the elderly and nurse baby birds back to health.

Change it Up
People underestimate the power of a new sport, workout class or running trail. Do something different – even a new spin instructor keeps things fresh (especially if said spin instructor is hot).

Feeling really desperate for a change? Have a friend drive to the worst neighborhood in town and push you out of the car. Then try telling me you don’t feel like running today.

Grab a Partner
I’m a big fan of working out with friends. After all, misery loves company. Besides, you may cuss a lot while training; If a curse word is uttered in a swimming pool and no one’s around to hear it, did it really make a sound?

Read Inspiring Stories
The Internet is full of tear-jerker tales of cancer survivors who escaped the jungle after eight years of living in captivity while also raising sixteen children and creating a successful knitted-goods store on Etsy.com. Oh, yeah, and ran a marathon last weekend. With a glass eye and prosthetic leg.

Read these stories and remind yourself there are others out there who overcome worse challenges than yours every day. Or something like that. I don’t know, I’m not Oprah Winfrey. Just get off your butt and work out already.

Pin it
If you have a Pinterest account, you can spend hours sucked into the vortex of inspiration. See what others have “pinned” for inspiration, and know that you’re not alone in your struggle.

There’s a multitude of pin-worthy stuff on Pinterest, from photos of rock-hard abs (not me) to links to credible fitness experts (also not me). Whatever you do, stay away from any pins involving food. If you’re like me, one thing will lead to another, and the next thing you know, the Domino’s guy is thanking you for your order.

Stop Making Excuses
Yes, it’s cold outside. No one said you had to do your workout outdoors. Do a pilates video at home or go to the gym, and you can complain about other things, like being too warm and that weird smell on the yoga mats.

And don’t even try “I don’t have time” – you just wasted a bunch of time reading this post, Pinterest-ing, and shopping for superhero tights. Trust me…you have time.

Tell me – what do you do to get excited about working out when your motivation starts to dip?

strivingtobehealthy:

inspiremethin:

Just a few of my favourites :3

Totally going to make a collage with some of these and a bunch of other pictures like them and make it my background on every electronic I own.

(via harleygirlruns)

Source: inspiremethin

10 REASONS RUNNING DOESN’T SUCK AS MUCH AS YOU THINK

Boob Sweat

10 Reasons Running Doesn’t Suck As Much As You Think

by Susan Lacke

The word “running” used to conjure up painful and awkward memories of gym class. My middle-school gym teacher, Mrs. Morey, would stand her roly-poly body at the top of the hill behind our school, barking through a megaphone between bites of beef jerky at us red-faced kids as we ran circles around the track. According to her, running  was supposed to build character, or whatever it is they teach gym teachers to say in gym teacher school.

Needless to say, most of the gasping kids on the track were thinking the same thing: Character? <bleep> you. Choke on your jerky, fatty.

Your first experience with running was probably in gym class. And it’s quite possible it left the same rancid taste in your mouth, with little desire to ever run again. But no more! I hit the reset button on my attitude towards running, and for the last two years, have gone from hating running to loving it (most of the time). Running really doesn’t suck as much as you think. Here’s why:

  1. Most races and fun runs are full of hot bodies in very little clothing. Let me repeat that: HOT PEOPLE. WEARING PRACTICALLY NOTHING. Wear sunglasses, and ogle with reckless abandon.
  2. You can lose weight by drinking nothing but hot water with lemon. Or you can run for an hour, treat yourself to a cookie and still fit into your skinny jeans. One of these options makes you bitchy; the other makes you rad.
  3. Take your iPod with you, and your runs suddenly become a safe place to indulge your love of boy-band music. With enough practice, you can even blend in a couple dance moves from ‘Bye Bye Bye’. Don’t lie: You’ve still got that routine memorized.
  4. When your boss, your melodramatic friend and your nagging to-do list won’t leave you alone, calmly put on your running shoes and head out the door. They won’t follow you. It’s a safer alternative to storming out with both middle fingers in the air (though you can -and should- still do this in your head, just for spectacular effect).
  5. You’ll discover lululemon pants are good for more than just buying tampons and Cheez-its at Target (I know, ladies. My world was rocked with that discovery, too.).
  6. Running is the last place you have to “be a lady.” Sweat, snot and sneaking behind a bush to pee is not only liberating it’s fun, in that giggly-childish-naughty kind of way.
  7. Getting a run in before happy hour means you get tipsy on half a glass of wine instead of your usual two. That’s not being a lush, that’s just sound economic planning.
  8. Studies have shown that runners have better sex. Sex counts as a cross-training workout, which in turn makes you a better runner, which – hello! – leads to even better sex. Really, the whole thing is full of win-wins.
  9. Girls are lucky; there’s an entire industry committed to making us look awesome while getting our sweat on. Workout clothes come in all sorts of cool colors and designs. Jockstraps, on the other hand, will always be ugly with questionable stains.
  10. Non-runners will sit on the couch and call you crazy. Those folks, sadly, will never learn what their bodies are capable of. You, on the other hand, will die knowing you completely, totally, unabashedly used up the body that was loaned to you. That’s not crazy. That’s freakin’ awesome.

Source: hellogiggles.com

Flustered Rockluster: February 3-9&#160;To Do List Thursday, February 02, 2012 DAILY MUST-DO LIST - hang up clothing - make sure all the dirty clothes are together in the hamper- not the corner - put away everything on the vanity top - make sure socks and underwear are in the dresser, not in a pile ON the dresser - make sure all hats, coats and scarves are hung WEEK ONE PROJECT - empty dresser and purge completely - move it away from the chalkbord wall to a different area of your bedroom - buy socks DAILY MUST-DO LIST - moisturize face and neck twice a day - cocoa butter and lotion after every bath - walk at least 3 miles - brush teeth, floss and wash face - drink 4 bottles of water WEEK ONE PROJECT - 1 run of at least 4 miles - find Pilates DVD - 1000 varied crunches - 2 free weight sessions DAILY MUST-DO LIST - organize desk and reference materials - brainstorm about novel for 30 minutes (in tub, before bed, whenever) - make sure all your pens and markers are back in their holders - go over story structure project for half an hour WEEK ONE PROJECT - clean out under your bed - start brainstorming ideas for designs on second chalkboard wall WEEK ONE PROJECT SURVIVE no wait&#8230; OWN THE STONE PONY THIS WEEKEND! dont dodge pictures dont hide while taking pictures dont freak out over being on film dont get sucked into recent breakup drama bros before hoes dance laugh have fun dont feel guilty celebrate the Giants winning the Super Bowl dont freak out because someone s being cold and snobby *graphics by divine error
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Flustered Rockluster: February 3-9 To Do List

Thursday, February 02, 2012



emoticon DAILY MUST-DO LIST emoticon

- hang up clothing
- make sure all the dirty clothes are together in the hamper- not the corner
- put away everything on the vanity top
- make sure socks and underwear are in the dresser, not in a pile ON the dresser
- make sure all hats, coats and scarves are hung

emoticon WEEK ONE PROJECT emoticon

- empty dresser and purge completely
- move it away from the chalkbord wall to a different area of your bedroom
- buy socks



emoticon DAILY MUST-DO LIST emoticon

- moisturize face and neck twice a day
- cocoa butter and lotion after every bath
- walk at least 3 miles
- brush teeth, floss and wash face
- drink 4 bottles of water

emoticon WEEK ONE PROJECT emoticon

- 1 run of at least 4 miles
- find Pilates DVD
- 1000 varied crunches
- 2 free weight sessions



emoticon DAILY MUST-DO LIST emoticon

- organize desk and reference materials
- brainstorm about novel for 30 minutes (in tub, before bed, whenever)
- make sure all your pens and markers are back in their holders
- go over story structure project for half an hour

emoticon WEEK ONE PROJECT emoticon

- clean out under your bed
- start brainstorming ideas for designs on second chalkboard wall



emoticon WEEK ONE PROJECT emoticon

SURVIVE

no wait…

OWN THE STONE PONY THIS WEEKEND!

emoticon dont dodge pictures
emoticon dont hide while taking pictures
emoticon dont freak out over being on film
emoticon dont get sucked into recent breakup drama
emoticon bros before hoes
emoticon dance
emoticon laugh
emoticon have fun
emoticon dont feel guilty
emoticon celebrate the Giants winning the Super Bowl
emoticon dont freak out because someone s being cold and snobby

*graphics by divine error

Hard. Rock.

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

So I got an idea.

Flustered Rockluster is a silly phrase we often turn when at shows and such, describing that half dressed-up/half messed-up, disoriented state in which we are happy and having fun but something is all wrong and we are stuck, probably because of ‘bandonment issues’ and trying to leave after a show is like herding cats. You’re ineBRIated, its 3 am, your killer heels are killing you, makeup’s a bit wonky, hair is mussed, dunno where you’re headed next or when, starving, etc.

So I was back in my spot in the middle of my bed listening to music last night, and I was trying to think my way through this whole wall. This steel-reinforced concrete anti-terrorist wall. And I started zooming in on certain parts as though I was a lazerbeam of light coming through a magnifying glass, sizzling my motives like unfortunate ants.

Here’s what I got.

The lack of superficial victories, like getting into smaller clothes and being able to say my weight out loud, and having a bikini body, asserts itself in my brain as a complete lack of goal achievement, since my physical appearance has become important to me, when once I really dgaf.

I’m getting hung up on this part of my life, so its detracting from joy I should be feeling in other areas and replacing it with self-doubt and loathing. Its throwing off my balance.

What do the pros usually do for their clients? like when entertainment value is absolutely necessary for the viewing audience on the other side of the camera that’s waiting for well timed progress?

What do they do when they are 4/5 of the way through?



What they do is the makeover episode.

Well since the hold up on the superficial and the numbers is whats pissing me off, then I will embrace that I need surface work in several areas of my life.

I am going to embark on a 2 part makeover of enormous magnitude.

There are four parts of my life that will be getting four overhauls, so this means that even when I am not seeing progress in one area, I can see with my own eyes that it is because I am progressing in another area. I will have something small I need to do every day in each category, and a bigger project that I will have a week to complete- again, in each category.

These are the four parts of my life that are getting a makeover:

Wardrobe (includes putting together a closet organization system and purging all old unfitting clothing and building my dressing area)

Body (including losing weight, slimming down and changing my outside appearance in general- from hair to skin to fingernails)

Creativity (includes painting the rest of my room, setting up my own office in my room- better designed for writing, getting a computer and selling my work)

Social (involves my behavior outside of home, in the public eye and all the bravery that entails… including breaking into new scenes and trailblazing alone)



Part One is three months, Feb- April 30 

Each day I will have small habits I have to work on building to last, such as taking care of my skin on my body and not just my face, making sure all clothing is put away before bed, spent at least 45 minutes of actual sweaty exercise- if I dont feel like I worked out- it doesnt count- cause it means I didnt give a crap, that my brainstorming for creative sessions is done, and all my emails and text messages have been answered- working on that list tomorrow- my daily lists.

Each week, I will have a bigger project- such as- empty your closet and sort all your dressy clothes and set aside which dresses you can give away, dye your roots and give yourself a pedi, go to an event in this neighborhood, finish this video or chapter and complete a run, a pilates session and a boxing session before sunday night.

At the end of the three months, hopefully I will have made serious progress in all these areas and have created some lovely healthy habits.



Part Two is May… the final countdown to Coney Island Opening Day

May is going to be the kick at the end of the marathon. My finishing lap. With all the healthy slow buildup of the previous three months, I will be (should be) able to dive into May with feet on fire, to kick my physical activity into overdrive and shock my metabolism.

The end of May finishes with a rock-wall climb-off between Joshua and I… and if I’ve lost at least 15 of the 20-25 pounds I have left to lose… a tattoo. O_O I know- me and my commitment issues, right?

But Part Two’s planning must wait until April, when I see what I have become by then.

But with this plan, which appeals to my superficiality, my need and love for balance, my love of all things fashion and pampering and social aspects of rocknroll… I think I can approach this as a big makeover transition and stick with it. It helps the contestants on TV to get their fire back, why not me?

I’m going to pull out all the stops, motivation walls, calendars, stickers, power point presentations, naked seminars, kitchen overhauls, new exercises, everything. Its the only option left to me.

Because for some reason, I just thought that eventually Yoovie and Bri would just blend together- but its not happening. I have to do major surgery- cause these girls are butting heads- they are becoming too much alike and its not natural to live in conflict like this…

its called multiple-personality disorder, sheesh.

So… surgery starts.

I’m giving myself a makeover over of metal proportions.

I will be someone else by summer.

Serve Me Up the Sky With a Big Slice of Lemon

Thursday, January 19, 2012



So my problem was three fold.

1. I needed a direction to go in. And no, FORWARD is not the obv answerino. Ok maybe it is, but I needed to pick a vessel to carry me forward. No exercise or fitness was appealing to me anymore. Running wasnt getting me anywhere. Boxing required enthusiasm I didnt have. Jumping Jacks wanted perky energy that I dont feel like mustering.

2. All I wanted for Christmas was a hyperthyroid. I mean, I know these last twenty are going to be hard. Hell Ive been saying that for a year an a half. The hard scares me. How hard? What if its too hard and that means I really dont want it? If youre not willing to sacrifice for your dream, its not your dream. I wasn’t sure if I was ready to sacrifice ANYTHING and that scared me.

3. I started leaning on healthy motivation again. I have proved to myself repeatedly that this is not an effective way of motivating me. It was what was expected in the spark community, but it simply doesnt work for me. Sexy works better for me. I needed to find the sexy part again and stop trying to bend to the conservative will of spark. Its entirely possible to remain myself without overstepping their laws.

So.

Of course I wont solve any of these until I can solve all three at once and usually that just happens when Im talking things out. Thankfully, all three of these issues have been hacky-sacking around in my head while trying to figure out how to ‘start’ over entirely. I started thinking about what I was doing when I first started losing weight almost 100 pounds ago. I couldnt run, and walking hurt my old hip injuries. I felt stupid and fat on a bike. I did pilates. It really gave me the change I needed to see to stick with it long enough to be at a weight where I could start jogging and walking everywhere and getting in more cardio.



Maybe I need to go back to that.

Pilates would solve all three of my issues AND make me feel as though I was starting completely over again.

1. A Vessel to carry me forward. I can reinvest in Pilates. It is actually appealing to me in a fog where nothing else is. I think it is because it calls to that sexy side of me. Its about my body. Its about spending time with my body. Hell I can even do it naked.


2. It requires me to sacrifice something precious to me, but not something I dont mind sacrificing. TIME. Spending time indoors, working up a slow steady heart pounding excruciatingly intricate kind of pain via Pilates, sounds good to me. Time is something I can contribute to the altar of my goals. Sacrificing distance, meaning, running 6 miles from my house and having to come back- not doing it for me. Sacrificing my quiet mood, meaning, working myself up to box when Im not pissed… not doing it for me. Sacrificing comfort and feeling delicate and pretty to do jumping jacks? Its not calling me loud enough. But pilates…. pilates actually sounds inviting.

3. I can make this so sexy. I can do it by fairy lights, with incense burning and the heat cranked up. I can listen to soulful music, rock music, belly dancing music, TOOL, idgaf. I can wear my tiniest workout clothes and get dripping wet on the floor in front of my fireplace. I can feel sexy as I pay attention to all the muscles in my core engaging, my legs strengthening and my back and torso elongating. I want to feel the sweat drip down my spine and wet the hair at the nape of my neck. I should also be tanner as I do this.



Maybe if I can do 12 hour long pilates sessions in the next 4 weeks, then I can treat myself to a tanning session. Hmmm that does sound good to me.

oooh - let’s check out some added bonuses!!

1. this will help me reach my bikini handstand on the beach picture goal
2. I think it will definitely affect that layer of fat floating on top of the muscles I want so badly to see
3. Constantly working on my core in new ways will make sure that I stay mindful about what Im eating, because you cant out-exercise a bad diet.
4. Its time to shake up my abs routine.
5. This may be so opposite to running that it may actually break up this plateau.
6. Raises my body awareness
7. gives incredibly good posture side-effects
8. Hopefully it will help me with my rockclimbing somehow as well- maybe the stability and core strength
9. It will work my entire body each time.
10. It doesnt feels like reps and sets you.
11. Increase flexibility
12. you can zen the frak out at the same time.



So because I have no computer or TV area and am going to be doing this in my room, Im printing out all these BLOGILATES’seses (Have you seen this stuff??? I love this and have BEEN wanting to try all her stuff)

So because I have no computer or TV area and am going to be doing this in my room, Im printing out all these BLOGILATES’seses (Have you seen this stuff??? I love this and have BEEN wanting to try all her stuff - esp the corset workout!)

blogilates.com/category/
printables-2 also blogilates.tumblr.com



Im the hero of my story, I dont need to be saved.

Pipe Cleaner Plan

Thursday, January 05, 2012

FIRSTLY, MY APOLOGIES FOR BEING IN THE POPULARITY CONTEST AGAIN.

Did you ever play with pipe cleaners when you were a kid?



Did you know that they were created for unfun work like cleaning medical equipment and grandpa’s pipe? They are made for function only. A soft absorbent material wrapped around a flexible backbone to keep things in the right place and not break or get stuck.

Not unlike our bodies.
And definitely not unlike our weight loss plans.

How so?

Well- we all know the unfun part of this.

emoticon Eat right.
emoticon Exercise consistently.
emoticon Drink Water.
emoticon Get enough sleep.
emoticon Wash your workout clothes.
emoticon Repeat.

This is the wire in the middle.

We can bend it to match our lifetyles, but if you are constantly bending it this way and that and all over the place, eventually it gets so kinked up that you need a fresh one.

Its not starting over, its just grabbing a new pipe cleaner.

But… humans being what they are, pipe cleaners did not remain grey and functional and boring cleaning implements. They turned into wild and crazy fun colors and we started inventing ways to turn them into creative sources of entertainment.

So we have to look at the wire part again and see what kind of fun absorbent color we can wrap them in.

emoticon 1. Eat right: wrap this in an enthusiasm for trying new foods and replacing the bad foods with healthy delicious things we’ve never (or rarely) try.

need crunchy and salty chips? try pretzels, healthy crackers like triscuit (my fave - esp dipped in hummus or cottage cheese) or wheat thins, goldfish, sunsflower seeds, cheezy rice cakes and popcorn.

need something crunchy but you want it sweet? try things like caramel rice cakes, or nuts with cinnamon, or pecans or walnuts with craisins or something, apple slicess with peanut butter, a quarter of a cup of ice cream mixed with dry cheerios… get creative.

want just plain sweet? hit the yogurt, the cereal bars, strawberries and (dark) chocolate, 100 calorie packs (JUST ONE, CRAZY LADY), hot cocoa, peppermints, raspberries, frozen grapes… it does NOT have to be skittles in a milkshake to ease an actual sweettooth.

emoticon 2. Exercise consistently: It doesnt say run 30 miles a week and do 100 pushups every morning, does it? Noooo. It leaves the HOW 100% in YOUR hands. And when you know how to do something well, it gets more and more fun.

Want group exercise? there are millions of classes from spinning to latin dancing that will work you into a feverish sweat alongside people you can laugh and compete with.

Need to burn off some aggression? Boxing and kickboxing with inanimate objects can replace years of therapy in some cases.

Need pure fun? rollerblading, hula hooping, dancing in your livingroom, cartwheels, jungle gyms, playing with your kids… if you do these things for TWENTY MINUTES STRAIGHT twice a day, they work. Imagine if youre having a blast and do even more.

Need organization? join a local sports team at the Y or something, volleyball, tennis, basketball, choose your poison.

Want old fashioned? do a couple weeks of regular calisthenics.

Want slow and steady and strengthening? Try yoga or pilates or yogilates and treat your mind as well as your body.

Want fast and furious? buy a bike and work on going farther and farther and farther

Want to feel self-propelled? start the couch to 5K program as a stepping stone to the freedom of running, which in turn leads to exploring your sense of adventure in a world where all you need is your feet and a beat.

There are so many exercise options out there that “exercise consistently” CANT get boring. Something not working anymore? THat pipe cleaner all kinked up? Get a new one.

emoticon 3. Drink water. Add lemon or raspberries to it. Get a personalised, just for you, awesome reusable water bottle. Decorate with with decals, or your favorite exercise mantra. Freeze ice cubes with bits of fruit in them to make your boring glass of water look expensive and luxurious. Drink it ice cold (if you dont have tooth problems) and refill EVERY TIME IT GETS EMPTY… or it will just sit there until it ends up being left behind every day and forgotten for weeks.

emoticon 4. Get enough sleep. Make your bedroom into a heavenly cloud of peace and beauty and nurturing solace and a haven from the craziness of the world. Dont use your bed as a place to play with electronics- especially right before you go to bed. Did you know that if you spend time with technology before bed, it hampers the ability of your brain to turn off, which then makes you sit back up, re-open your laptop and continue surfing til 4 am? Its a vicious self-injuring cycle.

READ A BOOK or listen to music. Start dimming the lights (or switch to a lamp instead of the overhead light) and leaving behind technology about an hour before bed to send secret messages to your brain to start calming down.

emoticon 5. Wash your workout clothes. Just do this do you have no excuse tomorrow.

emoticon 6. Repeat: Grab a new pipe cleaner and redo your spark page. If a cycle is dulling, make a different one.

ALL OF THE POWER IS ENTIRELY YOURS.

emoticon Things that break or kink up your pipe cleaner plan emoticon

emoticon 1. Saying “I have to go to the gym everyday” if you don’t already go several times a week. You cant go from 5% to 100% in a snap resolution. You must build so you can teach your body with love to adjust to your new lifestyle. You cant just tell your child, YO KID FROM NOW ON YOU HAVE TO GO TO SCHOOL AT NIGHT AND SLEEP ALL DAY. AND NONE OF YOUR FRIENDS ARE GOING TO GO WITH YOU. wtf. NO.

Start by saying something like, I have to work out twenty minutes every day. THAT IS DOABLE. That’s like telling your kid, ok starting tomorrow, we are going to leave 10 minutes earlier for school ok? It may mean you have to wake up slightly earlier. BUT FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, DO YOU WANT TO CHANGE THE SHAPE OF YOUR BODY OR DO YOU WANT TO LAY ON YOUR BED FOR 10 MINUTES?

If you really truly actually want to change, and are ready to change… stop finding the best excuse not to. Is changing yourself worth 10 minutes in the morning and 10 at night? No? Ok, I guess you really dont want it. Bye.

emoticon 2. Refusing to forgive yourself. If you miss a day, and you punish yourself by giving up because there is no way to fix a broken streak… then you want to be a failure because you didnt fail until you decided you did. Missing a streak or having a binge day does NOT cancel out all the other days when you did the right thing. So effing what. that was yesterday. BE GLAD YOU EVEN HAVE A TODAY.

emoticon 3. Lying to yourself. Saying you worked out longer or did more reps than you did or not tracking that cake batter bowl that you licked clean is LYING to yourself. Why would you do that to yourself? Why be mean like that? What does it gain you? Guilt? Regression? Denial? NOT SEXY YO.

Here is why you want to track those things properly. If you look back at your results in six months and cant figure out why you can still only do 25 pushups.. because you forgot you were lying at the beginning and could only do 10… then how are you able to measure your progress.

emoticon Compete against your former self always.
emoticon Beat your own actual PR.
emoticon Be proud of your clean eating so you know its ok to have sweets when you do.
emoticon Track those sweets.
emoticon Evolve into a stronger healthier individual.
emoticon NO CHEATING BY LYING.

I swear to you that being honest with yourself is not only ok… but its the only way to win.

So take your new shiny 2012 pipe cleaner plan, and change from some boring medical apparatus into an adorable, completely unique, fun colorful expression of your personality.



Deal?

(feel free to share this with anyone you think may benefit, as it is not about anything personal Im dealing with :) )

Too Awesome and Twelve

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

emoticon before I strt- I really really truly want to thank the girls at believe-toachieve.tumblr
.com for keeping me inspired all year- I will be using their graphics in this blog- and also thank you the guy credited in the watermark on this pic:


(o hai awesome girl!)



emoticon 1. UPDATE BUCKET LIST

emoticon TIMES SQ NEW YEARS EVE
emoticon DIE ON A ROCKWALL
emoticon SING ON STAGE
emoticon NAIL A FRONTMAN
emoticon RUN A HALF MARATHON 4 WEEKENDS IN ONE MONTH
emoticon RUN A FULL MARATHON
emoticon RUN A SUB-8 MINUTE MILE
emoticon GET INTO SIZE 6 JEANS
emoticon GROW MY HAIR TO MY WAIST
emoticon GO TO EUROPE AGAIN
emoticon HAVE A 25 INCH WAIST
emoticon MASS CIRCULATION OF A PHOTO (3 PHOTOS WOO!)
emoticon BIKINI HANDSTAND ON THE BEACH
emoticon TOUGH MUDDER
emoticon WARRIOR DASH
emoticon ANY RACE
emoticon HIKE THE GRAND CANYON RIM TO RIM
emoticon HIKE MACHU PICCHU
emoticon SHOOT THE WONDERS OF THE WORLD - ALL OF THEM
emoticon BE AN EXTRA IN A MOVIE
emoticon HAVE SEX IN PUBLIC
emoticon CARVE MY NAME IN THE WALL AT CBGB’S (the original)
emoticon ROADTRIP ACROSS THE COUNTRY WITH BFF
emoticon GO TO CALIFORNIA/ WEST COAST
emoticon SHOOT A MAJOR LABEL BAND (thanks Saliva!)
emoticon ASSAULT AN A-LIST CELEBRITY ( ove you Alec! Im sorry!)
emoticon SHOOT FASHION WEEK
emoticon TAKE PICTURES OF AN A-LIST CELEBRITY (ty Gwen!)
emoticon SHOOT ONE OF THE BANDS THAT I WAS OBSESSED WITH WHEN I WAS 16 
emoticon SHOOT GROUND ZERO AND THE PROGRESS OF THE NEW WTC
emoticon VISIT THE 9/11 MEMORIAL
emoticon RUN FROM 1 END OF THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE TO THE OTHER W/OUT STOPPIN
emoticon BUILD A SNOWMAN TALLER THAN ME
emoticon RUN FROM MY HOUSE TO CENTRAL PARK
emoticon RUN A CIRCUIT OF CENTRAL PARK IN JUSTA SPORTS BRA AND CAPRIS
emoticon BE IN THE NEWSPAPER FOR SOMETHING OTHER THAN BAND PROMOS emoticon TELL A BOY I LOVE HIM



emoticon 2. DECIDE NEW YEAR’S EVOLUTIONS

Now, yall know I dont do reslutions cause those create feelings of guilt and failure to me more than motivation- instead of I pic things that I want to evolve towards being able to do- things I want to turn into more realistic goals.

Instead of saying, I wanna leave the country again!!!!!!!! omgwtfbbq!!!!!!!!!! - I say- I want to put away $20 a month toward a big vacation in 2014 or something.

But that’s not one of them, cause Im financially surviving day to day here.

so here goes!



emoticon I want to feel stronger, braver and more confident- so I want to spend this year getting good at things that once seemed impossible to me.
-rockwalls
-rollerblading
-rock scene navigation
-running distances
-boxing

emoticon I want to feel beautiful. So I want to spend this year
-caring for my teeth, skin, nails and hair
-developing my personal style with clothing I feel comfortable in, that fits correctly
-finding the silver lining, because smiling is THE MOST beautiful thing

emoticon I must find a way to stop taking my reality for granted- so I need to spend time this year
-looking at my life from the outside an honing my perception skills
-nipping negative behavior in the bud by looking at where I was 5 years ago
-finding a blue marble to keep in my pocket (still have not found one) to remind me that its ok to be shiny

emoticon Get better about my budget- first by increasing my budget- finding a weekend job to supplement my income until I have the balls to charge for photography.



emoticon 2012 fitness goals emoticon

emoticon WALK/RUN/JOG 1000 MILES
emoticon LOSE 20 POUNDS
emoticon BOX JOSHUA (possibly for youtube LMAO)
emoticon GET JEN RUNNING
emoticon PARTICIPATE IN A RAC…

sorry, I choked on that one.

emoticon TAKE A KICKBOXING CLASS
emoticon BE ABLE TO DO 100 SQUATS
emoticon MAKE IT TO THE TOP OF A ROCKWALL
emoticon BIKINI HANDSTAND (STILL)
emoticon ***GET MY AB TO SHOW THROUGH MY TUMMY!!!!!!!!!!!***



What are some of YOUR evolutionary goals?

dont care if it makes me uncool, im buying into the HYPE

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

*repost from last yea- cause I need it*

In approximately 24 to 72 hours from now, the gyms will be flooded with New Year’s Resolutionaries stealing our treadmills and stair climbers and sweating on the weight benches and crowding our streets and buying all the protein bars and shouldering you out of crowded gym locker rooms.

But… who was here first?

Everyone say it with me now…

IT DOESNT MATTER

Let’s steal all these newbie’s motivation. It’s ok, it grows back.

Before you launch into an uproar over sabotaging the newly committed (whether they stick around for the long haul or never come back after Monday) let me clarify that that is not what I am talking about.

The whole country, and probably loads of other countries, are gearing up for the big Jan 1 Exercise and Diet Launch. It happens every year, some of us may even have once been part of that wave. Suddenly 19 gazillion people want to lose weight, get fit, skinny up, slim down, pump iron, run a mara or just are tired of being overweight and *THIS* is the year they are going to make it happen for themselves.

In turn, the TV is flooded with all kinds of new workouts and gizmos, the gyms are having sales left and right and waiving registration fees and giving you good specials on classes and premium features. Everyone is out walking. Everyone is heading to the gym. Everyone is skipping the junk food aisle and spending a little more time in the produce section.

So what do the rest of usually do this time of year?

Sneer.

Oh yeah I said it, you’re busted, so I am, but mostly you LOL

Why do we sneer? Cause we were here first? What are we? 8? Is it because we are pretty sure they dont mean it and even though they are here at the gym this week, we *KNOW* that they wont be next week? Cause they act like they know everything and are old pros and we know they just pulled the tags off their shiny new workout clothes?

SO WHAT

LEAVE THEM ALONE

instead… why dont we take a few cues from them… (like literally steal them)(jk) Let’s ride this wave for all its worth and when it dies off… well then we’ll find new motivation somewhere else- but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.

emoticon Aren’t shiny new workout clothes fun? Dont they make ya wanna go to the gym or workout?

emoticon Isn’t it easier to do things when you are following a crowd instead of struggling as the only one who cares?

emoticon If you cant get on the trusty old treadmill, won’t it force you to step outside your comfort zone and discover new areas of the gym? Ain’t that how plateaus are broken? (*gasp* yeah… i totally just scienced you)

emoticon Isn’t that raring, ready to go, balls to the wall, unstoppable resolve of theirs contagious?

emoticon isn’t this our chance to be the student becoming the teacher? Don’t we now have a wealth of advice to stand up to knowitalls or to help lost wandering newbs?

emoticon Isnt a fresh start simply that? refreshing?

I’m going to jump on the bandwagon of New Year’s Resolutionaries and see if they can be my tugboat til I can pull my motivation back together.

I haven’t been exercising much- my daily walks have been kapoot since the blizzard - sorry- cant power walk on black ice, yall. My eating has improved but I still saw a gain recently and Im going to have to stand up and show myself that I’m boss.

But for now, I may wallow for 24 hours. And on January 1, when my gym membership kicks back in, I’ll be there with bells on alongside the rest of the bright eyed and bushy tailed participants in the movement of all that is new and exciting and filled with hope and the promise of results.

And I really dont care if that makes me an uncool sell-out traitor… cause uh… Imma be losin weight yo

Kissmas

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

At noon on Christmas Eve, I woke up to kisses and sunshine streaming in through the windows, glowing happy, tangled in sheets and trying my best to stay warm, even though the sun was brilliant outside.

I got espresso in bed and lounged around in my forest green thigh high cable knit socks and my Santa hat.

I tripped and stumbled over my french and was very thankful that my facial expressions, hand gestures and my quirky ability to have an entire thesaurus (pretty much) memorized in my head- could get me through our communication barrier… along with the 5 years of French I effectively forgot from my childhood (at least alI know all the question words).

Ive been finding that, with us not speaking the same languages fluently, there’s no risk for rambling or talking about silly girly nonsense that men hate… because it takes a lot to share information, so you dont want to waste the effort until you are sure of what you want to say and how you want to say it. So you THINK alot more about what you are communicating to someone else, and you tend to talk about much more intellectual things, and I missed that.

But I love most that when we are together, he seems to be completely infatuated with me and hanging on my every word and not moving his eyes from my face… and me… well, I forget there even IS an outside world. And nevermind that we fall asleep kissing. Or that I wake up at 5 am ready to jet home and he will have none of it.

(How do you explain to someone what it mean to spoil a woman? Apparently that’s not something they’ve heard of in Paris)

Eventually we rejoined the waking world and went out for breakfast. Cantaloupe, honey dew melon, croissants, coffee… soooooo nice to enjoy sexy breakfast WITH someone that gets it.

So there… I kissed and told more than I probably ever have on my blog.

Christmas morning, *I* cooked breakfast, this time with all my housemates and Jen too. I made toast with berry compote (using cinnamon instead of sugar), strawberry kiwi salad, bacon, biscuits, the worlds fluffiest eggs and orange juice and vodka and coffee and baileys.








^ our little LSU Mouse treetopper angel type critter *heart*


^people & light watching with Jen on Christmas Eve

^yes dessert on Christmas, it actually looks WAY bigger than it was, a couple inches of cake, half a cup of Oreo ice-cream and a piece of chocolate graham cracker.

Now to get ready for the giant 442 famous new years bash on saturday!
We are going to spend the week purging the house and making room and decorating and digging out all the alcohol we have lying around the house.

Maybe this year I will finally get a NYE kiss, but if not, at least I’ll have champagne :D

How was your holiday?!!?

Investing in Your Ultimate Body NOW (not by diet and exercise)

Voted Popular Blog Post: View All Popular Posts

Thursday, December 22, 2011

There are other things we need to do for our bodies to help them work and look their best, and much of that has to be done BEFORE we get to that magic number on the scale or fit into those jeans staple-gunned to your bedroom wall.

We all know how to slowly clean out and simplify our diet. Slowly replace certain things with healthier alternatives, try new foods so we have more healthy opions available to us, wean ourselves off the extra hellacious things and cultivate our love for things that do good for our system. Learn to hate Coke, grow to love green tea. etc etc etc your kitchen cabinets become the NFL draft… sorry lil debbie, you lose this year.

We all know how to slowly integrate more and more physical activity into our lives. Go for a walk in the evening and call it stress relief. Squeeze in some wall squats during your bathroom break to help build an ass from scratch. Take a walk around the building a couple times in the afternoon to wake up your brain and raise your heart rate. Less couch, more vertical… we know how it goes.

We keep doing these things and eventually… dun dun dun magic number!

Now… there are other things you have to think about before you reach that goal number and the sooner you start paying attention to those things, the better you will be when you do start seriously shrinking and these things have absolutely nothing to do with breaking a sweat or skipping out on fried chicken.

True story, bro.

emoticon 1. Your skin.

This, in my opinion, is by far the most important secondary priority. We understand that our bodies will shrink if we do all this stuff right. But HELLO, your skin… do we expect it to just shrink up tightly around our solid insides and hold everything in like Spanx?

Your skin is badass… but its not at badass as Spanx… because its an organic tissue. Organic tissues dont just snap back in any way. They can slowly, over time, with help, regain some of their elasticity and shrink around your solid form, but not with each pound you lose. OH NO… not at all. With each pound you lose, your skin is that slight bit more loose.

Think forward 50 pounds… think of the skin on your boobs. Think of your neck and your thighs and your butt and your arms and… oh the greatest horror of all… your tum. You’ve just spent 3 years sweating at the gym to get a six pack, and there’s a flap of skin hanging between your belly button and the top of your Batman underoos…. Congratulations on your weight loss.

HOW DO WE STOP THIS FROM HAPPENING????


(chemistdirect.co.uk)

^This, is your new best friend. You can also choose one that’s more expensive and snobby if you’d like, but so far, I have found this one to be the best. Its about $7.50 at Duane Reade.

Cocoa Butter, Shea Butter, Collagen, Elastin and Vitamin E… everything that doctor’s tell pregnant ladies to slather their tummies with, is extremely important. You want to shink? You want your skin to shrink too? Then you have to moisturize it, especially the problem areas I just mentioned, TWICE A DAY. It puts the stuff inside your skin that LETS your skin shrink, instead of just hanging there because there is no longer anything to fill it. Keep doing it twice a day and it will get tighter and tighter and tighter.

Don’t care about having skin flaps? fine, don’t moisturize.

I have combined this ‘investing in the future of my skin’ into my exercise routines to ensure that I also stretch. I do my workout, I jump in the shower, I come back in my room, climb into a tub of cocoa butter (this stuff I mentioned above, is a thinner blend so less likely to cause breakouts) and then massage it into my sore muscles before sliding to the floor to spend 15-20 minutes having naked stretch time.

If looking good in clothing is important to you, awesome… stick to losing weight via diet.
If looking good in clothing AND naked is important to you… lose weight via diet AND toning exercises (ST) AND INVEST IN YOUR SKIN.

emoticon 2. Your Public Statement.

Recognise that eventually, you are not going to wanna be wearing XL Old Navy fleece lounge pants and that tweety bird t-shirt every weekend. If any part of the reason you are working hard is to shape your body into an outward representation of who you are on the inside: personality, badassedness and individuality…. youre gonna have to let go of the frumptyfrump eventually.

Do you have any idea what your style is gonna be like? Do you even know what kind of things you like, fashionwise?

Look, you can scream at me until youre blue in the face that superficial things like what you wear, DONT MATTER… but I will give you a long valid rebuttal which includes the psychology of job interviews, dress codes, first dates, first impressions, professionalism and appropriateness of attire. If you’re the kind of ‘mother of the bride’ that is fine with wearing jogging pants to her daughter’s wedding because fashion is stupid, that’s your business. You don’t have to agree with me. Or your daughter.

You may be happy to walk into a store at this point and simply be glad to find something in a color you really like that is your size that doesnt have shoulder pads. But when you’re smaller than you are now, aren’t you looking forward to be able to actually shop and show off your class?

Wouldn’t it be nice to know that if you want to go after your dream job, you can walk into your interview prepared with everything you already have in your brain that qualifies you… but without your frumpy appearance blinding your interviewer, and instead LOOK THE PART? Wouldn’t it be great to go out for your anniversary in something besides a patternless flowing tunic and elastic waistbanded pants… telling yourself you’ll just make it look dressy by wearing jewelry and a pretty bag? How about the family Christmas picture? You want to stand behind grandma in the biggest shapeless-est black sweater EVER?

I like to lay on the floor and do those stupid backwards leg thrusts while reading through fashion magazines. I do this so Im constantly getting ideas of what kind of fabrics, cuts and accessories will show off my personality and new shape. I’ve been creating an online portfolio of all the fashion I love for a very long time now and i always visit it before i decide to purchase something ( goal-outfit.tumbl
r.com )… so that when I reach my size 6… I won’t be standing in Macy’s like… uhhhhhhhhhhh tshirts uhhhhhhh

Sometimes, thinkin about ‘stupid’ stuff like this.. can actually help you get lost in your treadmill workout, or help you walk past the tin of holiday cookies that your roommate so cruelly left in the middle of the coffeetable.

Learning your style also helps with your self-esteem by encouraging you to EMBRACE your INDIVIDUALITY and CREATIVELY EXPRESS YOURSELF. It stops the generic at your green shoelaces or your signature fingerless gloves or the jeans you embroidered your initials on.

Dont use your clothing as one more way to ensure that no one will ever see you.

You going to work so hard for a body only for noble and health-related reasons and refuse to have fun playing with it? Thats fine, just dont judge those of us that worked so hard for our bodies and decide to have fun with them as well.

You want something to move you forward towards that body today? Start simply taking note of the style of people around you and start slowly creating your own fashion bank in your head.

emoticon 3. Posture.

PRACTICE STANDING UP STRAIGHT. You need to strengthen your back and learn to carry yourself with pride. If you’re going to be working your ass off, literally, to ignite the evolution of you, you don’t want the world to see your hunched over self slinking along the sidelines as though you were still so embarrassed to be seen. Dont hide now. So you wont hide later.

Own the pride of accomplishment every step of the way.

People always say, my self included on occasion, FAKE IT TIL YOU MAKE IT… well I say… PRACTICE TIL ITS REAL.

I know I never wanted anyone to say… ugh that cocky bitch, ever since she lost weight, she walks around with her nose in the air. OH HELL NO. I would rather people saw me as someone who always stood tall and walked with confidence, regardless of my weight or if I was ever brave enough to speak to anyone.

That way, whether Im all dressed up in a cute outfit I planned from all the pieces laying on my floor… or Im pacing my bedroom naked while chatting with my lover… I, and the people around me, will see that I OWN MY BODY…

What other ways are you investing in your future body, that do not include diet and exercise?

emoticon get measured for a bra
emoticon use sunscreen
emoticon practice positive self-talk
emoticon give your face skin what it needs as you get older BEFORE it gets older

EXPLOREFIT- my way or youll never be happy

“my opinion on a certain matter.
  • do it for the stares as you walk like a gazelle down the street covered in gold dust
  • do it so you can fit in the xxxxxxxxxxxs teeny tiny black dress
  • do it so you’ll look better than your enemies and the girls youre wasting your time being jealous of
  • do it so you’ll find a guy who will think you’re beautiful and have a perfectly wonderful love fest of a relationship and shit rainbows for the rest of your life
  • do it so you can wear all the thuper duper cute clothes that really don’t look good on anyone but a manequin

heres how i react to all that stuff bogging up my dash:

fah-uuuuck THAT.

if you’re not doing it to benefit personally from a healthy lifestyle, don’t bother doing it. because a mindset like that will not ever lead to true happiness. even if you do hit your ‘ugw’, it won’t be enough for ya. i can promise you that”

Thank you for the response to my sincere ‘asks’. Next time someone gives you an opportunity to elaborate on your opinion, take that opportunity to show why! Use it to help people see your way better. Use it to make a real difference and stand up for what you believe.

Because JUMPING with excitement on the chance to be offended on the internet, really shows your age. And helps no one.

And this helps no one as well:


“weheeeellllllll. apparently my post is getting a little bit of negative feedback up in hurr.
“my opinion on a certain matter”: the one about living a healthy lifestyle for the wrong (or right, i guess if that’s how you feel) reasons.

in no way shape or form am i trying to judge anyone. the post is titled “my opinion” for a reason. you telling me to “stop judging people” or “stop telling people how to motivate themselves” is just as bad as what you claim im doing.

i don’t mean to be a bitch here but this is my blog. thats my opinion. it’s absolutely fine if you don’t agree with it. i never asked you to.

with all due respect, if you don’t like what i post, don’t read it. it’s that simple.”

1. I dont mean to be a bitch, means you do.
2. Telling someone to stop telling other people they are wrong- is NOT the same as telling people they are wrong because they don’t do it your way.
3. With all due respect, you’re about to contradict yourself again- because this all started because you couldn’t just walk away from an opinion you didnt like- without first mocking it in public.
4. Telling someone, dont bother, you’ll never be happy that way… IS JUDGING THEM.
5. And people are only allowed to share opinions with you that are the same as yours? There’s the path to enlightenment.
6. Also with due respect, answering sincere messages like this… do you even give any more fucks about your followers or is this really just a place for you to get attention… as long as it the exact kind of attention you want?

also… its not like we only see your posts if we visit your page, you’re launching these opinions into a live feed…

So Im getting off her blog, but I truly want to know what you guys think of all this!

using anything that motivates you personally… to get you to do healthy good things for yourself

vs

only using the noble PC “right” reasons to exercise..

I PROMISE NOT TO YELL AT YOU IN PUBLIC AND GET BITCHY AT YOU JUST BECAUSE YOU’VE NEVER SPOKEN TO ME BEFORE!!!

What’s your opinion on what is ‘right’ for motivating a person?

Does it depend on the individual, or is explorefit the be-all, end-all expert on motivation?

Sweat

Tuesday, December 20, 2011



I keep stopping believing.
Exercise has failed me and I punish it by no longer giving it effort.
Oh I do it.
I exercise a minimum of a half hour every damn day of my life.
Im about to cross 700 fitness minutes for December.
I dunno I have to check my ticker.
I drink 3-4 bottles of water a day.
I eat 8-10 servings of freggies per day.
My meals are all colors of the rainbow and at least 60% of my plate is vegetabley.
I consistently walk AT LEAST - Im talking laziest day of the year - 2 miles per day.
When I want fast food… I walk miles to the fast food place and THEN walk back.
I walk to the grocery store and tote all my healthy eats home in a canvas bag.
I dont drink soda.
I dont eat more than 10 servings of bread per MONTH, and those are usually an everything bagel.
I drink about 4 or 5 alcoholic drinks per month, even when they are all in the same night on occasion.
I can run up to 14 miles in a day before dying.
I can run straight up hills.
I can last hours on top during sex if he can hang on that long.
I can do 3000 ab exercise reps in one weekend.
I can do 100 pushups.

my point is…

IM MY PROBLEM. IM MY SOLUTION.

I don’t like that. It means its all on me. Because I sit here and I justify my position by listing all that stuff up there when I know that there is one very very crucial thing that I am missing.

I don’t sweat anymore.

I shrug and say, who effing cares, its not like its gonna help anything.

I maintain a certain level of activity in my life so I wont gain any weight, so who cares.



I have what it takes but refuse to expend that amount of effort into an activity that I feel continues to let me down.

This plateau is starting to make me superiorly ANGRY.

I know that losing 25 pounds is going to be the hardest physical challenge that I have faced since 4 years of PT.

Think Im exaggerating? just a little? IM NOT

The closer you are to your goal weight, the harder it is to shed pounds. Sometimes Im so jealous of people that weigh over 250 pounds, and especially people closer to 350 pounds, because they can lose weight in CHUNKS! I can lose weight in farts and sighs only.

Why is this the hardest physical challenge Im up against when I already lost 90 (ok 87) pounds?

Because it means that everything Im doing is not enough.
Because it means I have to stop being angry at exercise for failing me and start forgiving me for failing myself.
Because working up a sweat in my bedroom by doing jumping jacks and pushups and crunches stopped being sexy to me.
It seems like pointless pain :(
It requires discipline and harder work.
I wanted more results for my effort than I got :(

There is a price I have to pay to get what I want, and that price is steep.
Too steep. Too high. Too much. Too hard.

These are the things that people say when they don’t really want something as bad as they say they do.

Im indifferent towards working out lately.
When I do it all the time I crave it and need it and now I do the bare minium (for my lifestyle, whioch is a lot more than most peoples’ lifestyles) and just don’t give a.



If you tell me “You can’t” then Im like, oh ok, then I wont waste my time and energy.
If you tell me “You shouldn’t” then Im like.. well youre obviously stupid.
If you tell me “You won’t” then Im like well, I still dont understand why you’re involved at all anyway, so that doesnt matter.

Im an introvert. Itshard for for introverts to get motivation from the outside world when all of our energy and emotion and mood and drive come from our own skeleton and soul. We put energy out into the universe for the extroverts to live off of.

So I can’t get motivated fom anyone else.
I know I want what I want, but for awhile now, I havent wanted it because ________________.

^ insert reason I do not understand.

It doesn’t matter if I dont understand why I dont want this lately.
It doesn’t matter if I understand every crack brained idea that pops into my head and screams at me throughout the day.
It doesn’t matter because of the big picture.

The big picture lives outside the reign of my brain.
The big picture isnt about whats clogging my motivation TODAY.
The big picture has nothing to do with the little whys and details and failures.
The big picture isntabout my brain holding on to weight because Im scared of success or because I am terrified of unwanted attention, etc.

The big picture is that I quit sweating.
The big picture is that I DO want this, regardless of the up and downs in my daily intensity of that want.
The big picture is that Im the problem and the solution.
The big picture is that JUST DO IT.

I dont want to :( I dont want to slave away in my bedroom while roommate eats a 4487 calorie dinner.

I dont want to sweat for no reason.

Oh wait… it just hit me.

The big picture is that my heart got broken by someone who was in worse shape than I was and now I dont feel like Im worth the effort and I just want to hibernate and come back out in the summer when I can be slutty and half naked all the time and be around friends… instead of all by myself just in time for christmas when I just learned that it doesnt even matter what I look like, Im still disposable.

I dated a jerk who told me constantly that I wasnt doing anything with my life, that the things I was working hard for meant nothing and that Im all talk and no action. I started dating him in October of 2010 for a couple painfully long months and I allowed his opinion of me to sink in because he came from the world where my parents lived. I shouldnt have allowed his words to leave such a mark on me. And he was a fat, lazy, college drop out who whined about never getting anything he wanted and never put any effort into.

My plateau started when I started dating him.

I know all you bitches are shaking your head at me telling me that I put too much worth on what a man thinks of me… but seriously… how many of you let your husband’s likes and dislikes rule your kitchen and your activities?

I can stand up and at least decide that that asshole’s opinion of me will not dictate my workouts. He can affect myself-esteem, but not my workouts. What a jerk, how dare he interfere with my running.

Pkus, j’ai trouve un bel homme francais. Nous nous endormons embrasse et il me regarde dans le noir.

So.. I have to move on yet again. Le sigh. Time to le sweat.
What doesnt kill you makes you a fighter.

 

thank you to active-inspiration.tumblr.com and believe-toachieve.tumblr.com