Guilt-Free Ways to Love Yourself…
…courtesy of my fairy godmother.
Awhile back I left a comment on a website about something I have shared with you guys on many occasions, that fiding reasons to love myself always brings out a phobia of becoming vain and conceited and this makes all my self-love practice backfire when I do “ego damage control” by beating myself up immediately after, if not during, the positive exercises. I explained how I’ve done a very good job of convincing myself that im just a generic, non-threatening personality that is fully able to blend in without attention.
Which isnt true, but hey, the first step in denial is refusing to admit sht right!
So this morning I got a comment in response to mine, totally out of the blue, and here it is, minus the personal details…in sections as I talk about it:
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself… At all. You truthfully should never have stopped showing yourself love. You are human and no one else is going to do it for you, so its okay. And I don’t mean no one else will love you, but I mean loving YOURSELF gives people a level of security, confidence, and self worth that nothing else is going to magically provide for you. Do not concern yourself with what other people will think about you being vain or conceited… no one says you have to rub it in the face of others. If you are a good person then you just are. Being truly conceited would only seem vain if your constantly telling people you are better than them or putting them down.”
No one can love yourself. They can love YOU but not YOURSELF.
Loving yourself is indeed a kind of security blanket.
Look at it as though its something that no one can take away from you.
Will you ever leave yourself?
Will you ever try to betray and hurt and humiliate yourself on purpose?
Think of security, self-worth and confidence as job/life skills instead of personality traits.
The security of knowing that AT LEAST you have your back, if no one else does, is comforting.
Confidence in knowing you can do something if you need to, is just that. Its knowledge. You are allowed to know that you can do things, it does not mean that you are rubbing it in the faces of those who dont know how, it just means you are there to help them if they ask, and they WILL ask, because they share that knowledge that you can handle it.
Self-worth can be private, it can be something that you secretly know, something you can say in the quiet solitude of your room, as _TRIXIE_ tells me. It doesnt have to be a price tag on your shoulder for all the world to see, but that doesnt mean your value is $0.00.
“If you are not doing wrong to others, then loving yourself cannot be wrong. Sometimes, we need to give ourselves pep-talks every now and then. As for dating or not dating, its okay, you do not need to be easy, but dont close yourself off to it either, companionship is extremely healthy for human mentality and sanity and frankly, once you start loving yourself more again, people will sense THAT… its you nurturing yourself, and being loving, and they will want that too.”
If you are a good person, who is forgiving and nurturing and loving… it will be most apparent by how you treat yourself, and believe it or not, people pick up on that energy. What kind of energy do you want to be known for? Negative, hateful, impossible standards kind of energy? Or healthy, kind and happy energy?
“And I am sure you have alot more to offer then your looks. Any TRUE interests and passions you have, if you do not do it as a daily job, than make sure you keep at it nonetheless as a hobby as another way of loving yourself, give yourself what you want (this does not always work with simply enjoying shopping unless you are rich). Doing things you like will bring about a natural sense of happiness and contentment that will not only attract the right people, but will also give you a healthy mindset within a relationship when ever you get there again.”
Cultivate any true interests or passions (that are not part of your secular job) or hobbies or crafts or past times, etc… as a way of loving yourself.
Loving yourself doesnt have to mean sitting in front of the mirror telling yourself affirmations of worth before breakfast each morning.
Maybe it just means encouraging the things you love to do that are good for your mind, heart, soul, body, imagination, spirituality or everything combined?
Maybe me spending a day taking pictures in Prospect Park was how I was actively loving myself.
And actions speak louder than words, right? Especially for those of us that can twist any compliment in our head into something evil and ugly. Can’t do that with your own actions, now can you?
And this will bring you closer to people who share those passions! What a healthy cycle this would create!!!
“So do not hold back, love yourself, pamper yourself, learn new things, enjoy life, but be humble in doing so. Even without christian beliefs, being a good person and being a positive individual in general keeps you from being a cancer to this society and planet… Just be Positive, smile more, laugh more and seriously, it OKAY to love yourself. It is not vain or conceited, ***those are traits not ways of life*** so stop letting it effect you and dont let others effect you in a negative way.” - KAY
My BRI-INCARNATION Plan
Ways Im going to show that I love myself, and therefore cultivate that love, I *MUST* pick at least one to do every day, and I *MUST* state something that this activity makes me love about myself when I do it.
Spending an afternoon taking pictures
Dressing up to go for a walk in boots in Manhattan on a good hair day in fall
Working on my book
Taking photo classes
Walking around museums for hours
Decorating a room
Cooking a beautiful meal
Taking a long luxurious bubble bath
Creating a new perfume, bubble bath or facial soap from scratch
Shopping at farmer’s markets
afternoons in bookstores
Sipping coffee at the top of the Sunset Park summit
Setting a new distance record
doing 1000 crunches in a day
reading a good book, curled up in bed with soft clean blankets and a soft fuzzy sweater on a snowy day
getting into a tiny dress for a concert
3 hour brainstorming sessions
grocery shopping for healthy food
seeing a movie and going to a cafe alone
10 mile walks
sight seeing in the city
traveling by train across the country
playing Sims 2
cleaning the livingroom
sitting at my vanity and taking my time getting ready instead of rushing
spending time with my roommates sitting around talking nonsense in the backyard
setting up for my work day
logging a serious workout session
taking erm… sensual? pictures for someone in bed on sunday mornings in cute panties and excellent lighting
Ikea shopping for the kitchen
Pilates in my bedroom
finding creative new ways to hang the christmas lights in my room.
finding creative new ways to do anything to my room
Cooking for my roommates or best friends
Board Game Nights
walking a mile to get take out for dinner
sitting by water
running around in nature
baking a beautiful light as air cake
force-feeding it to homeboys
going to concerts outside of the city
balancing on tree limbs over rivers
stargazing, with and without a telescope
listening to music for inspiration
pressing flowers and leaves
exploring new towns
making fruit plates and veggie plates
filling up page after page in my journal in one session
studying story engineering
seeing the actual sunrise and sunset
taking self-portraits mid-cartwheel
spending time with new friends
spending time with friends that I dont get to see very often
spending time with my regular inner circle of friends when Ive been away for weeks for no reason
changing my hair style
putting a song on repeat and dancing round the livingroom like mad
folding hot laundry
cleaning the stove
discovering the perfect lyrics to relate to
the first real day of a season, and being out in it
going to bonfires
excessive use of fairy lights… did I mention ths yet?
destroying fresh untouched snow
building snowmen and making snow angels and basically all snowplay
creating panoramas and other hands on epic projects with Tom
preparing, planning, plotting
taking my telephoto lens to the zoo for safari photography day
delivering funny non-sequiters
jumping off of really high things into water
redesigning existing logos
creating my own stationary for each season
updating my online portfolio
shopping for lanterns
practicing something until I can do it perfectly without help or thought
sex, really really really good uninhibited sex.
As of NOW, doing any of these things, or things I add to this list… count as loving myself.